I had a hard time picking a movie to do this time around. I even looked through Netflix to see what I'd recently watched, but nothing really struck a cord. Then I remembered a movie that I had a lot to say about: Batman v. Superman (or BVS). So let's get to it.
Okay, first off. What the fuck was up with all of the horses? No, seriously, why were there so many horses in a superhero movie? The first is when we see Bruce Wayne run into a cloud of dust that has appeared because of Superman fighting the big bad in Man of Steel. In that cloud of dust is a horse! Now, why is there just a lone horse wandering around Metropolis? The horse has nothing on it so it's not a mounted police horse. It doesn't have blinders on so it hasn't broken free of one of the carriages that you see in downtowns carting tourists about from time to time. Is the horse supposed to symbolize something? If so, I have no idea what.
Then there are mounted police officers at the the capitol building before it's attacked. I guess I can believe this is a real thing, but why is it included in the movie? What was this movies horse budget??? Finally, there are horses at both of the funerals at the end of the movie. The fancy one for Superman has them and the down-home country one for Clark Kent has at least one. At this point I just have to believe that someone involved in the movie had like a cousin with a bunch of show horses or something.
Let's go back to those funerals for a second. So Superman "dies" in the saving of the city. But...no one except the people there would actually know that. So...did Batman or Wonder Woman go on TV and were like "Yep, he's totally dead. Let's have a big funeral for him?" Cause that seems pretty counter to everything they do to conceal themselves. But SOMEHOW people find out and there is a funeral. Now, given that the body went to Martha Kent (MARTHA?!), WHAT IS IN THE BOX? This means that people not only accepted that Superman had died SOMEHOW, but that they accepted it with no body. Are you really telling me no one was like, "Buuuut, isn't he unkillable?"
This brings me to my next point. I feel like the movie actually wants us to believe that Superman died and be sad about it. But here's the thing, no one is buying that. We know there are more movies coming and we know Superman is going to be in them. Also, if anyone is a comic book fan, they know that when Superman died it turns out that he didn't die. This makes the hint at the end that Superman isn't dead just a big "DUH!" moment as opposed to anything dramatic. Seriously, how dumb do the creators of this movie think we are?
On the theme of surprises that aren't surprises, let's talk about Wonder Woman. The previews told us that she was in this movie, so when Bruce Wayne keeps running into a mysterious pretty lady the movie acts like "Ooooh I wonder who she could be?" But like...WE KNOW. IT'S WONDER WOMAN. This whole thing just makes Batman seem like a dumbass and makes the audience impatient to see Wonder Woman actually breakout her superhero self and fight. If the previews hadn't told us that Wonder Woman was in it, the reveal might have actually meant something. After all, there are plenty of women in the DC universe that a mysterious pretty lady could've been. Hell, she could've even been a villain for all we knew. But as it stands now, the movie wastes time in a movie that is definitely too long toying with us and being like, "Betcha can't guess what's gonna happen!" Please, movie, we saw the previews.
Okay, we have to talk about the Martha thing because it is one of the silliest moments that this movie has. Batman is planning to kill Superman for reasons I won't go into. Meanwhile, Superman needs Batman's help to save his mom. As Batman is about to murder Superman, Superman decides to beg for his mom's life. Now this is all well and good, but when begging for her life, he says, "Save Martha!" Now, I know that Martha isn't Superman's biological mother, but dammit she raised him since he was a baby and we have never seen Superman call her Martha. So I can't imagine why, when desperate and begging for her life he doesn't say, "Save my mom!" That seems like a safer bet for some sympathy anyways. Of course, it turns out that Batman's mom's name was also Martha so this revelation that Superman's mom is also named Martha (which Lois Lane tells us NOT SUPERMAN) I guess reminds him that like Superman is a person and so he decides not to murder him? Or maybe Batman now can't let any other Martha die? Maybe that's his thing now? Anyways, what a dumb moment in this movie.
So there ya go, go see BVS if you want, but it's got some really goofy stuff in it.
(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)
Okay, first off. What the fuck was up with all of the horses? No, seriously, why were there so many horses in a superhero movie? The first is when we see Bruce Wayne run into a cloud of dust that has appeared because of Superman fighting the big bad in Man of Steel. In that cloud of dust is a horse! Now, why is there just a lone horse wandering around Metropolis? The horse has nothing on it so it's not a mounted police horse. It doesn't have blinders on so it hasn't broken free of one of the carriages that you see in downtowns carting tourists about from time to time. Is the horse supposed to symbolize something? If so, I have no idea what.
Then there are mounted police officers at the the capitol building before it's attacked. I guess I can believe this is a real thing, but why is it included in the movie? What was this movies horse budget??? Finally, there are horses at both of the funerals at the end of the movie. The fancy one for Superman has them and the down-home country one for Clark Kent has at least one. At this point I just have to believe that someone involved in the movie had like a cousin with a bunch of show horses or something.
Let's go back to those funerals for a second. So Superman "dies" in the saving of the city. But...no one except the people there would actually know that. So...did Batman or Wonder Woman go on TV and were like "Yep, he's totally dead. Let's have a big funeral for him?" Cause that seems pretty counter to everything they do to conceal themselves. But SOMEHOW people find out and there is a funeral. Now, given that the body went to Martha Kent (MARTHA?!), WHAT IS IN THE BOX? This means that people not only accepted that Superman had died SOMEHOW, but that they accepted it with no body. Are you really telling me no one was like, "Buuuut, isn't he unkillable?"
This brings me to my next point. I feel like the movie actually wants us to believe that Superman died and be sad about it. But here's the thing, no one is buying that. We know there are more movies coming and we know Superman is going to be in them. Also, if anyone is a comic book fan, they know that when Superman died it turns out that he didn't die. This makes the hint at the end that Superman isn't dead just a big "DUH!" moment as opposed to anything dramatic. Seriously, how dumb do the creators of this movie think we are?
On the theme of surprises that aren't surprises, let's talk about Wonder Woman. The previews told us that she was in this movie, so when Bruce Wayne keeps running into a mysterious pretty lady the movie acts like "Ooooh I wonder who she could be?" But like...WE KNOW. IT'S WONDER WOMAN. This whole thing just makes Batman seem like a dumbass and makes the audience impatient to see Wonder Woman actually breakout her superhero self and fight. If the previews hadn't told us that Wonder Woman was in it, the reveal might have actually meant something. After all, there are plenty of women in the DC universe that a mysterious pretty lady could've been. Hell, she could've even been a villain for all we knew. But as it stands now, the movie wastes time in a movie that is definitely too long toying with us and being like, "Betcha can't guess what's gonna happen!" Please, movie, we saw the previews.
Okay, we have to talk about the Martha thing because it is one of the silliest moments that this movie has. Batman is planning to kill Superman for reasons I won't go into. Meanwhile, Superman needs Batman's help to save his mom. As Batman is about to murder Superman, Superman decides to beg for his mom's life. Now this is all well and good, but when begging for her life, he says, "Save Martha!" Now, I know that Martha isn't Superman's biological mother, but dammit she raised him since he was a baby and we have never seen Superman call her Martha. So I can't imagine why, when desperate and begging for her life he doesn't say, "Save my mom!" That seems like a safer bet for some sympathy anyways. Of course, it turns out that Batman's mom's name was also Martha so this revelation that Superman's mom is also named Martha (which Lois Lane tells us NOT SUPERMAN) I guess reminds him that like Superman is a person and so he decides not to murder him? Or maybe Batman now can't let any other Martha die? Maybe that's his thing now? Anyways, what a dumb moment in this movie.
So there ya go, go see BVS if you want, but it's got some really goofy stuff in it.
(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)
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