Professor Liam Olson was happy to spending his first Christmas at the University of Pennsylvania. He had wanted to work there for a long time and he was honestly proud of himself for finally making it. In a bout of excitement, he had signed up for the department's white elephant gift exchange only to later find out that most people in the department dreaded it or managed to dodge the department's administrator who came around to get a list of who wanted to do it.
But Professor Olson wasn't deterred. He had his sister help him pick out a gift. At first he'd wanted to do it completely on his own, but he quickly became too overwhelmed. Should he just do a generic Starbucks gift card? That seemed lame, but his department did frequent Starbucks. He thought about a bottle of wine, but he honestly knew nothing about wine and feared picking something truly awful (these fears were confirmed when his sister told him his idea of apricot wine was horrific). He thought about a bookstore gift certificate as academics do love books, but most of them had more books than they knew what to do with and had connections to publishers to get what they wanted. He thought about a restaurant gift certificate, but quickly found out that the professors in his department had all sorts of food allergies or diets and so he couldn't think of a restaurant that would work for everyone. He thought and thought and then gave up and called his sister Andrea, who always knew best. Andrea then also helped him pick out gifts for everyone everyone in the family as well as the glittering snowflake wrapping paper he was going to use.
After doing what he considered to be a pretty impressive wrapping job, complete with a ribbon bow with curled ends, Professor Olson headed to his department's Christmas party. He was pretty awed when we walked into the chair's, Professor Jameson's, house. After the delightful snowmen out front, Professor Olson didn't think anything would top it, but he was wrong. There was lovely Christmas music being played on a piano just down the hall and the smells of mulled wine, eggnog, and gingerbread filled his nose. He first made his way to the present pile and placed his wrapped gift onto the pile in the front room and then immediately to the buffet. He heaped cookies onto his plate and took a healthy sized cup of eggnog before going to mingle.
He was glad that most of the department came. It seems like the department loved the party, but just dreaded the gift exchange. Apparently though, the party was worth it enough to deal with the gift exchange. All too soon the music came to an end and it was time for the exchange. The department gathered round and Professor Olson was told that they picked gifts in order of how long everyone had been at the department, which meant he picked last. There was a big mix in the quality of the presents. There was a Starbucks gift card and the receiver was quite happy with it. There was also a clearly regifted Home Alone box set with scratched discs (clearly someone forgot to buy something).
As the pile wound down and stealing commenced, Professor Olson was struck with a realization: he was quite likely going to end up with his own present. His suspicion came true when it was finally his turn. Everything had either been stolen too much or was even worse than the box set.
Professor Olson was glad he'd followed his sister's advice as he unwrapped the glittering snowflake wrapping paper and pretended to be surprised at the scarf he'd bought himself.
"Buy something you'd like to get."
(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)
But Professor Olson wasn't deterred. He had his sister help him pick out a gift. At first he'd wanted to do it completely on his own, but he quickly became too overwhelmed. Should he just do a generic Starbucks gift card? That seemed lame, but his department did frequent Starbucks. He thought about a bottle of wine, but he honestly knew nothing about wine and feared picking something truly awful (these fears were confirmed when his sister told him his idea of apricot wine was horrific). He thought about a bookstore gift certificate as academics do love books, but most of them had more books than they knew what to do with and had connections to publishers to get what they wanted. He thought about a restaurant gift certificate, but quickly found out that the professors in his department had all sorts of food allergies or diets and so he couldn't think of a restaurant that would work for everyone. He thought and thought and then gave up and called his sister Andrea, who always knew best. Andrea then also helped him pick out gifts for everyone everyone in the family as well as the glittering snowflake wrapping paper he was going to use.
After doing what he considered to be a pretty impressive wrapping job, complete with a ribbon bow with curled ends, Professor Olson headed to his department's Christmas party. He was pretty awed when we walked into the chair's, Professor Jameson's, house. After the delightful snowmen out front, Professor Olson didn't think anything would top it, but he was wrong. There was lovely Christmas music being played on a piano just down the hall and the smells of mulled wine, eggnog, and gingerbread filled his nose. He first made his way to the present pile and placed his wrapped gift onto the pile in the front room and then immediately to the buffet. He heaped cookies onto his plate and took a healthy sized cup of eggnog before going to mingle.
He was glad that most of the department came. It seems like the department loved the party, but just dreaded the gift exchange. Apparently though, the party was worth it enough to deal with the gift exchange. All too soon the music came to an end and it was time for the exchange. The department gathered round and Professor Olson was told that they picked gifts in order of how long everyone had been at the department, which meant he picked last. There was a big mix in the quality of the presents. There was a Starbucks gift card and the receiver was quite happy with it. There was also a clearly regifted Home Alone box set with scratched discs (clearly someone forgot to buy something).
As the pile wound down and stealing commenced, Professor Olson was struck with a realization: he was quite likely going to end up with his own present. His suspicion came true when it was finally his turn. Everything had either been stolen too much or was even worse than the box set.
Professor Olson was glad he'd followed his sister's advice as he unwrapped the glittering snowflake wrapping paper and pretended to be surprised at the scarf he'd bought himself.
"Buy something you'd like to get."
(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)
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