This morning's puzzle was proving to be a tricky one. My husband and I had our bed wedged in a corner so we could make more space in our room, but this was clearly going to have to change as I was now wedged between him and the wall with an ever growing pressure on my bladder.
Now, you're probably thinking, why don't I just scoot my way to the end of the bed? Ah well that would be a mistake. You see, I have our sleeping infant daughter, Aria, on my chest and at the foot of the bed are our very lovable, but very loud when awakened, sleeping dogs. There is the big German Shepherd named Shaggydog and our small but incredibly yappy part Chihuahua part Rat Terrier, Lady. Shaggydog is, of course, on my side of the bed and so if I nudge him at all (which really would be the only way to climb over him while holding a sleeping baby), he'll wake up and go into full guard dog mode and start barking as loudly as he can because (of course) only something evil could have woken him from his slumber. This would then set off a terrible chain reaction. Lady would wake up and start yapping in terror, Aria would start screaming because there is any noise at all and she is the lightest sleeper I've ever known, and then my husband, Ned, would wake up and try to help me calm the three screamers but with so little sleep this would prove very ineffective.
The next idea you may have is for me to carefully climb over Ned and get out of the bed that way. This would've been a great plan if it wasn't for the fact that, because we have a baby and two very clingy dogs, our room is a mess. As though the universe was conspiring to keep me in bed, the floor by Ned's side of the bed is strewn with booby traps. There is Ned's laptop which we were using to play some calming noises to help us all fall asleep (which, to be fair, did work), squeaky toys belonging to Shaggydog and Lady, and the yoga ball I'd been trying to use to give myself better posture. So escape that way would involve destroying a laptop (which is becoming more tempting the longer I have to wait to pee), hoping that Shaggydog or Lady finally broke the squeakers in their toys lest the whole chain reaction I talked about earlier be set off, or trying to delicately kick a yoga ball in such a way that it doesn't hit anything while holding a sleeping baby.
Of course, I could wake Ned up and he could move his laptop and then I could escape, but he looks so peaceful sleeping there. He really has been trying hard and I don't really want to wake him. Eventually I'll have to though or he's going to wake up to find a bed soaked in pee and while, as a new parent, he's gotten quite used to things being soaked in various bodily fluids and excretions I think waking up to a pee soaked bed would be quite an unpleasant shock.
I wonder if I could install some sort of hanging ropes or pulley system so that this problem doesn't happen in the future. Then I could hoist myself out of bed and over the dangers on the floor so that I could carefully place Aria in her bassinet before sneaking down the hall to the bathroom. Then I'd reverse the whole process and stay in bed, enjoying the peace that comes with a sleeping house. Sure, sure you're thinking, doesn't that seem rather elaborate? And yes, it does, but if it takes an elaborate system to keep the rest of the house asleep while I get to pee, then I think it'd be worth it, don't you?
(Prompt by Brianna Aaron)
Now, you're probably thinking, why don't I just scoot my way to the end of the bed? Ah well that would be a mistake. You see, I have our sleeping infant daughter, Aria, on my chest and at the foot of the bed are our very lovable, but very loud when awakened, sleeping dogs. There is the big German Shepherd named Shaggydog and our small but incredibly yappy part Chihuahua part Rat Terrier, Lady. Shaggydog is, of course, on my side of the bed and so if I nudge him at all (which really would be the only way to climb over him while holding a sleeping baby), he'll wake up and go into full guard dog mode and start barking as loudly as he can because (of course) only something evil could have woken him from his slumber. This would then set off a terrible chain reaction. Lady would wake up and start yapping in terror, Aria would start screaming because there is any noise at all and she is the lightest sleeper I've ever known, and then my husband, Ned, would wake up and try to help me calm the three screamers but with so little sleep this would prove very ineffective.
The next idea you may have is for me to carefully climb over Ned and get out of the bed that way. This would've been a great plan if it wasn't for the fact that, because we have a baby and two very clingy dogs, our room is a mess. As though the universe was conspiring to keep me in bed, the floor by Ned's side of the bed is strewn with booby traps. There is Ned's laptop which we were using to play some calming noises to help us all fall asleep (which, to be fair, did work), squeaky toys belonging to Shaggydog and Lady, and the yoga ball I'd been trying to use to give myself better posture. So escape that way would involve destroying a laptop (which is becoming more tempting the longer I have to wait to pee), hoping that Shaggydog or Lady finally broke the squeakers in their toys lest the whole chain reaction I talked about earlier be set off, or trying to delicately kick a yoga ball in such a way that it doesn't hit anything while holding a sleeping baby.
Of course, I could wake Ned up and he could move his laptop and then I could escape, but he looks so peaceful sleeping there. He really has been trying hard and I don't really want to wake him. Eventually I'll have to though or he's going to wake up to find a bed soaked in pee and while, as a new parent, he's gotten quite used to things being soaked in various bodily fluids and excretions I think waking up to a pee soaked bed would be quite an unpleasant shock.
I wonder if I could install some sort of hanging ropes or pulley system so that this problem doesn't happen in the future. Then I could hoist myself out of bed and over the dangers on the floor so that I could carefully place Aria in her bassinet before sneaking down the hall to the bathroom. Then I'd reverse the whole process and stay in bed, enjoying the peace that comes with a sleeping house. Sure, sure you're thinking, doesn't that seem rather elaborate? And yes, it does, but if it takes an elaborate system to keep the rest of the house asleep while I get to pee, then I think it'd be worth it, don't you?
(Prompt by Brianna Aaron)
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