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A different kind of Tinder

"It's so sweet we're doing this together."

"Yeah, you know some couples might be against going on an app together, but I think it's really going to work out for us."

"Oh totally agreed. So do we make a profile together?"

"Yeah it looks like we can. I mean we can't be the only ones to do this."

"Definitely. Let's see, do we select a picture?"

"Yeah it looks like we should otherwise they may think we're like catfishing or like a cop."

"Good point. Let's do the one at that hotel downtown, we both look super hot in it. And then maybe also the one on that beach?"

"Perfect. I'll do those and the one of us at the dinner with your friends."

"Great."

"Now we need to write a bit of a description."

"How about, new couple seeks help ridding themselves of some baggage. Or is that too vague?"

"It's okay, but we do need to make sure that someone wants to swipe right on us. Let's say: two vulnerable women seek strong individual to help them get out some aggression?"

"Is that too sexual though?"

"I don't know, I mean this is supposed to be like Tinder right? I mean I know it's not literally Tinder, but isn't there supposed to be some level of plausible deniability?"

"I mean that's literally the name of the app, so yeah you're probably right. Let's go with that."

"Okay so we have a few photos, a description, and it looks like we can set a few preferences."

"Like what?"

"Like age."

"Does that really matter?"

"Well, I'd guess it corresponds to a bit with experience. Like a 20 year old probably hasn't been around too much and maybe a 60 year old has been around too much."

"Good point. Let's do 25-40?"

"Okay, set. Now distance."

"Hrm the farther away, the more expensive probably."

"But also the less likely that we'll run into them."

"Right...I guess do the maximum distance. We'll be able to afford it after it's all done."

"Exactly. Okay, now do we have a gender preference?"

"Well it would honestly be pretty cool if it was another woman, right? Like imagine the story: rage against the patriarchy."

"Very true, but I think it could limit us because of...well...the patriarchy."

"Yeah there probably aren't a ton of women in this field, huh?"

"Probably not. So should we just say no preference? That way we could maybe get the screw the patriarchy story."

"Sounds good. Is there anything else? Like skills or methods?"

"I think those would be in their profiles, I don't see a setting for them. Oh wait there are a few more settings though. Are we up for matching with another pair?"

"Seems like the fewer people who know about this the better, right? Like we don't want one person screwing up and blabbing."

"They are professionals though."

"I suppose, but I'd feel better if we stuck to just one. I mean certainly one person can take care of this. We're just trying to take care of Ralph...like, no offense, but your husband isn't a manly man."

"None taken. I'm choosing to be with you after all. Okay, we're all set, let's start swiping."

"Let's find us an assassin."

(Prompt by Lisa McInerney)
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