Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?

"Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?"

"It's just a hypothetical."

"A hypothetical...crime?"

"No!"

"Yes."

"Okay, yes, but not my crime."

"So you're a criminal's lackey?"

"No!"

"You're the one running errands at 2AM."

"I'm asking about something at 2AM, not going to get it."

"So why exactly are you asking about chloroform at 2AM?"

"Cause I'm up."

"Sure."

"So where would I get it?"

"Why do you think I know where to buy chloroform?"

"You're a chemist aren't you?"

"Do you think chemists just know where to get chloroform?"

"Why not?"

"Believe it or not, chemists don't have much need for chloroform. Tends to be creeps who do."

"I'm not a creep!"

"You're the one asking about chloroform at 2AM."

"Doesn't make me a creep."

"I would beg to differ."

"You're welcome to."

"So...are you going to tell me why you're asking about it?"

"You'll think I'm a creep."

"I already do, so you don't stand to lose anything there."

"So I'm watching this documentary--"

"--ahhhh a documentary about creeps."

"No!"

"..."

"Well, yes, but it's about a series of murders at a university and hospital."

"As you do."

"Hey I'm not the only one watching it."

"Never said you were."

"It's one of the most popular shows on Netflix."

"I bet it is."

"So don't make me out to be a huge weirdo."

"Again though, why are you asking me about chloroform at 2AM."

"Well I couldn't sleep."

"Maybe because you were watching a documentary about murder?"

"I couldn't sleep before that I'll have you know."

"And the murder doc helped?"

"It could've!"

"But it didn't."

"But it didn't..."

"So the chloroform?"

"Right, well they think the murderers--"

"How do they know it was more than one?"

"Do you really want me to go into the forensic psychology and other police work that got them there?"

"Could you?"

"Yes, but you'd think I was a creep."

"Told you already that I do, so don't worry about that."

"Well based on--"

"--You're right, I don't care."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Dunno. To see if you would I guess."

"Jerk."

"So...the chloroform?"

"Are you going to let me finish my question this time?"

"Probably not."

"Why do I bother with you?"

"Because I won't report you to the police for asking about chloroform at 2AM."

"No one would do that."

"Oh I beg to differ."

"Maybe I'll just go to bed..."

"Oh come on, tell me about the chloroform."

"No."

"I know you want to."

"Fine. Okay so how would someone go about getting chloroform? Could like anyone just go and get it?"

"I mean people can just go and get anything these days, can't they?"

"Is it not like tracked or anything?"

"Why would it be?"

"Cause it's dangerous!"

"A lot is dangerous but we don't track it."

"I mean, you're right, but do you know if chloroform is tracked?"

"I don't think chloroform is tracked. Can't say I've tried to buy it though...have you?"

"No! Why would you ask that?"

"Cause you're asking if it's tracked and it's 2AM and we should both be asleep."

"So you think I bought chloroform then got paranoid and decided to ask you if it was traceable?"

"I think it's a valid theory to have at 2AM."

"Your mom is a valid theory to have at 2AM."

"Weak."

"I know, but I haven't slept well in a while."

"You're not..."

"I'm not what?"

"You're not trying to get chloroform to help you sleep, are you?"

"I told you I was asking about it because of a documentary."

"Yeah, but maybe that's what gave you the idea."

"Seems like a stretch."

"Seems like you haven't said no."

"Cause it's ridiculous."

"I've said a lot of ridiculous things and you always just say no."

"Not always."

"Well just say no so I can sleep tonight."

"Why would that help you sleep?"

"Well I don't particularly love the idea of my friend chloroforming herself to sleep. Doesn't paint a pretty picture for dreams."

"If it'll help you sleep then: no."

"See but now I think you're just saying it to help me sleep."

"What else do you want me to say?"

"Say no without any qualifiers."

"..."

"You can't, can you?

"No."

(Prompt sent by Katie Durr)