"Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!" I shouted at the cop as I ran down the street.
"Yeah, sure it did, buddy," the cop said, stereotypically biting into a donut.
"No, I'm serious," I said, huffing and puffing.
"You must mean a cat burglar stole your wallet," said the cop's partner, who was walking up with coffee.
"Now why would a cat burglar just take a wallet?" cop #1 asked.
"What, you think cat burglars only steal diamonds and the like? That's just in movies," scoffed cop #2.
"I just think that this guy's wallet would be a waste of any thief's time."
"Hey!" I try to object.
"You make a fair point," began cop #2, "Look at his outfit. What do you call pants that are baggier and made of worse material than sweatpants?"
"They're comfy..."
"See? So I don't think it could've been a cat burglar," cop #1 said smugly.
"That's because it was a cat!" I interject.
The cops looked at me, as though only just remembering I was still there. They then turned to each other and burst out laughing.
"Now why would a cat do that?" asked cop #2, "You got cat nip in there?"
"Or a jug of cream?" smirked cop #1.
"Actually, I read that that's not good for cats," objected cop #2.
"But it's in all the movies. How could it be in so many movies if it was wrong?"
"You gotta stop believing that movies are accurate. You'll kill a cat that way."
"I don't even like cats," cop #1 grumbled before taking another bite of his donut.
"Cause they're thieves!" I yelled, hoping to get attention again.
"Was it a group of cats that took your wallet?" asked cop #2.
"No...it was just the one."
"Well then, it isn't all cats that are thieves, it's just the one. You shouldn't get so speciest," smiled cop #2.
"Okay, but will you help me catch this one bad cat?" I pleaded. "He does have my wallet."
"Ah so you know it's a male cat, do you?" cop #2 asked.
"No...but it was orange."
"Seems like you're an unreliable witness, now," cop #1 noted. "How can we trust what you say?"
"There has to be security footage of the cat taking my wallet. It happened just down the street."
"So you want us to go bother a nice store owner because you say a cat stole your wallet. And you think that store owner won't just call our captain and report us?"
"But, you'll have me to back you up. I am willing to testify."
"Sure you are. Tell you what, if you go catch the cat, then we'll help you build a case against him."
Frustrated, but having caught my breath, I take off down the street after the cat that definitely took my wallet.
***
An orange cat rubs against the legs of two men. One reaches down and pulls a wallet from the cat's mouth while the other scratches the cat on the top of her head.
"Good girl, but I thought he had you for a moment."
"Cats have nine lives they say, but you have to be more careful."
"Luckily, most people don't know how easy cats really are to train."
"As long as you don't give them cream."
"I haven't! I swear!"
"Alright, let's get us some more coffee before we send her out again."
(Prompt sent by Katie Durr)
"Yeah, sure it did, buddy," the cop said, stereotypically biting into a donut.
"No, I'm serious," I said, huffing and puffing.
"You must mean a cat burglar stole your wallet," said the cop's partner, who was walking up with coffee.
"Now why would a cat burglar just take a wallet?" cop #1 asked.
"What, you think cat burglars only steal diamonds and the like? That's just in movies," scoffed cop #2.
"I just think that this guy's wallet would be a waste of any thief's time."
"Hey!" I try to object.
"You make a fair point," began cop #2, "Look at his outfit. What do you call pants that are baggier and made of worse material than sweatpants?"
"They're comfy..."
"See? So I don't think it could've been a cat burglar," cop #1 said smugly.
"That's because it was a cat!" I interject.
The cops looked at me, as though only just remembering I was still there. They then turned to each other and burst out laughing.
"Now why would a cat do that?" asked cop #2, "You got cat nip in there?"
"Or a jug of cream?" smirked cop #1.
"Actually, I read that that's not good for cats," objected cop #2.
"But it's in all the movies. How could it be in so many movies if it was wrong?"
"You gotta stop believing that movies are accurate. You'll kill a cat that way."
"I don't even like cats," cop #1 grumbled before taking another bite of his donut.
"Cause they're thieves!" I yelled, hoping to get attention again.
"Was it a group of cats that took your wallet?" asked cop #2.
"No...it was just the one."
"Well then, it isn't all cats that are thieves, it's just the one. You shouldn't get so speciest," smiled cop #2.
"Okay, but will you help me catch this one bad cat?" I pleaded. "He does have my wallet."
"Ah so you know it's a male cat, do you?" cop #2 asked.
"No...but it was orange."
"Seems like you're an unreliable witness, now," cop #1 noted. "How can we trust what you say?"
"There has to be security footage of the cat taking my wallet. It happened just down the street."
"So you want us to go bother a nice store owner because you say a cat stole your wallet. And you think that store owner won't just call our captain and report us?"
"But, you'll have me to back you up. I am willing to testify."
"Sure you are. Tell you what, if you go catch the cat, then we'll help you build a case against him."
Frustrated, but having caught my breath, I take off down the street after the cat that definitely took my wallet.
***
An orange cat rubs against the legs of two men. One reaches down and pulls a wallet from the cat's mouth while the other scratches the cat on the top of her head.
"Good girl, but I thought he had you for a moment."
"Cats have nine lives they say, but you have to be more careful."
"Luckily, most people don't know how easy cats really are to train."
"As long as you don't give them cream."
"I haven't! I swear!"
"Alright, let's get us some more coffee before we send her out again."
(Prompt sent by Katie Durr)
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