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Dear Velma,

Dear Velma,

I miss you terribly. I wish you were still here with me. Even as I write these words they don't feel like enough. I don't know how to make them feel like enough. You being taken from me was the most traumatic thing I think I've ever been through. I had you home for a few days and they weren't enough. But then you took a turn and I still wonder if I'd gotten you to MedVet faster instead of working more if I could've saved you. The vets told me no, but that doesn't keep me from wondering.

I'm sorry I didn't keep you safe. I promised you when I got you that I would keep you safe and you were taken right from my lap.

You kept me going during the hardest times of my life. There are things I told you that I haven't told another living soul though I have said similar things to my other dog. You wouldn't have liked him, he's too much energy for you, but I hope you love that he gives me love and comfort.

I'm regretting writing this now because it just feels like a pale comparison to what I mean. I don't know how to get the emotions out and onto this page though. You think I would be able to because, after all, it's what I went to school for, but my schooling is failing me now. Or maybe it's my thoughts that are failing me now. I want to say more, want to write you this beautiful, sweeping ode but I just can't find the words or the thoughts.

Know that you were loved beyond belief and that I still wear your tag because of how much I love you still. I'm reading this to you even as I type. Hoban is interrupting with barking which feels crass, but how can he know what I'm writing?

Maybe I'll be able to write you something beautiful one day instead of these disjointed thoughts. I want to. But nothing may ever be good enough for that.

To end, I guess I'll quote The Haunting of Hill House (the TV show)--I came up with this idea a few days ago and I think it gets at the core of what I want to say:

"I love you completely. And you loved me the same. The rest is confetti."

Love,

Holly

(Prompt by me)










Note: I just wrote as much as I wanted for this post and didn't abide by my usual 15 rule

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