Old works, number 10: Tinder Poems

Here are some poems based on my experience on Tinder in 2018.

Tinder Poems

Alan, 27

I am a fuckboy,

I will see you as a toy,

At charm I destroy.

Samuel, 29

I am an eccentric as shown by my clothes,

I enjoy inflicting pain on my multiple beaus,

All of society’s ills, I will expose,

My intellect on you will impose,

I’m less attractive, I disclose,

I struck a pose,

So don’t doze,

Or oppose,

Hoes.

Daniel, 25

I dream of being an exec,

From you I would like a peck,

I tattooed my ex’s name on my neck,

Oh heck,

I’m a train wreck.

Karl, 26

What’s my job, you say?

CIA

Swipe, do not delay!

Ed, 26

I pose with a statue of dick,

To suggest my size.

I’m really not a prick,

I just want you to know,

That I’m quite thick.

I’m just a real man,

Looking for a hot chick

I’ll tell you no lies

So swipe right and quick!

Mason, 25

Wild,

Styled, riled,

Celebrity’s bastard child. 

Ben, 27

Docter’s my job,

My typo’s a slob,

I’m no snob

(nor a blob).

For you, my heart (dick) will throb

Please polish my knob.

Donald, 29

I have nerve,

I’m here for the perv,

Adoration I deserve.

Lou

I’m a shark,

Isn’t that better than a man?

At you I won’t bark.

I’m a shark,

Not a jerk named Mark,

Of you I’m a fan.

I’m a shark,

Isn’t that better than a man?

Geoff, 23

I am Geoff,

Fit af,

Skilled chef.

Cat outfit,

Does emit,

I’m the shit.

Wanna date?

Or just mate?

It’d be great.

Adam, 25

There once was a man on dating apps,

Who wanted to keep his kink under wraps,

But he gave it away,

In the hopes he could play,

With a lady who would give him some slaps.

Calvin, 23

I wish I was a Viking man, for they raid for treasure,

I have tried to adopt the look, at least for good measure, 

I hope you like bad boys, I’ll pillage you for my pleasure.

Jason, 28

Let us start this chat by sharing our careers, 

I am currently a medical student, 

I will be getting educated for years, 

I think it will be best if we are prudent,

I spend a lot of time in cadaver labs,

Where I give some deceased people lots of stabs,

I find cutting corpses relaxing and fun,

I sure hope my macabre joys don’t make you run.

(Prompt by me but encouraged by Emily Kleeman)

"Tinder" by Global Panorama. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0).