Skip to main content

Old works, number 10: Tinder Poems

Here are some poems based on my experience on Tinder in 2018.

Tinder Poems

Alan, 27

I am a fuckboy,

I will see you as a toy,

At charm I destroy.


Samuel, 29

I am an eccentric as shown by my clothes,

I enjoy inflicting pain on my multiple beaus,

All of society’s ills, I will expose,

My intellect on you will impose,

I’m less attractive, I disclose,

I struck a pose,

So don’t doze,

Or oppose,

Hoes.


Daniel, 25

I dream of being an exec,

From you I would like a peck,

I tattooed my ex’s name on my neck,

Oh heck,

I’m a train wreck.


Karl, 26

What’s my job, you say?

CIA

Swipe, do not delay!


Ed, 26

I pose with a statue of dick,

To suggest my size.

I’m really not a prick,

I just want you to know,

That I’m quite thick.

I’m just a real man,

Looking for a hot chick

I’ll tell you no lies

So swipe right and quick!


Mason, 25

Wild,

Styled, riled,

Celebrity’s bastard child. 


Ben, 27

Docter’s my job,

My typo’s a slob,

I’m no snob

(nor a blob).

For you, my heart (dick) will throb

Please polish my knob.


Donald, 29

I have nerve,

I’m here for the perv,

Adoration I deserve.


Lou

I’m a shark,

Isn’t that better than a man?

At you I won’t bark.

I’m a shark,

Not a jerk named Mark,

Of you I’m a fan.

I’m a shark,

Isn’t that better than a man?


Geoff, 23

I am Geoff,

Fit af,

Skilled chef.


Cat outfit,

Does emit,

I’m the shit.


Wanna date?

Or just mate?

It’d be great.


Adam, 25

There once was a man on dating apps,

Who wanted to keep his kink under wraps,

But he gave it away,

In the hopes he could play,

With a lady who would give him some slaps.


Calvin, 23

I wish I was a Viking man, for they raid for treasure,

I have tried to adopt the look, at least for good measure, 

I hope you like bad boys, I’ll pillage you for my pleasure.


Jason, 28

Let us start this chat by sharing our careers, 

I am currently a medical student, 

I will be getting educated for years, 

I think it will be best if we are prudent,

I spend a lot of time in cadaver labs,

Where I give some deceased people lots of stabs,

I find cutting corpses relaxing and fun,

I sure hope my macabre joys don’t make you run.


(Prompt by me but encouraged by Emily Kleeman)
"Tinder" by Global Panorama. Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

15 things you'll think about during your dad's latest hospital stay

This is meant to be a related piece to "15 things to do in your dad's hospital room," "15 Things You Find in Your Dad's Hospice Room," and "15 Things You Find When You Clean Out Your Dad’s Apartment" .  The Christmas lights at the nurse's station that should really have been switched for saccharine cupids by now What team decided to hang up a clearly labeled DRAFT safety sign Who comes up with the aliases they seem to use for trauma patients and how they decided on Redstone for your dad That his skin either looks like a bruised elephant or like sickeningly conflicting colors of thin paper mache Where you can possibly get food--you're shaky The patient in the ER somewhere with a lot of ammo, but no gun, or so they say Why the staff is being so happily loud and swearing...it feels discordant The used bandaid and gauze that are left on the floor of his ER room as he moves to his hospital room...the last proof he was there Having to do this a...

15 things I'm looking forward to for summer 2024

It'll be here so soon!  Whale watching with a friend Bookstore crawl with a friend 57th Street Art Fair Beach days Movies in the park Swapping out my wardrobe Being done with egg retrievals (hopefully) Helping a friend plan her wedding Going to Galena Taking other trips with friends Doing more sessions of my D&D one shot Eating ice cream on hot days Dining at the Point Trying to find an agent for my picture book ideas (hopefully) Reading more (hopefully) (Prompts by me) "Sperm Whale diving" by Bernard Spragg. NZ

15 facts about my dad

Just been thinking about some lighthearted facts I know about my dad lately. When he was young, he had a goldfish named Lysander He introduced me to Star Trek At Christmas, he would tear up at It's a Wonderful Life He used to send me articles from his Yahoo email account that he thought I'd like We used to play a game called "Nightmare" where he would lie down and we'd jump around (and sometimes on) him He would clip possible recipes for us to try out of newspapers and magazines We bought him a Paddington Bear to take on trips because we feared he'd be lonely and he always took it He had teddy bears for three different holidays We once had such a hilariously difficult time building a gingerbread house that when some frosting ended up on the counter, I plopped a gumdrop on it and we laughed until we cried He and his sister were born about 11 months apart We would try recipes from Top Chef He kept gifts I made him, even when they weren't great At Christmas, ...