Here are some short pieces based on things that have happened in my life recently.
Craving
I've been craving things lately. Often, some dish. Lately, it's been Taco Bell (please don't judge). I think some of it might be I need more iron and protein in my diet and I crave beef (again, no judgment please, it's close, cheap, and easy). I also crave just being able to eat a lot in one sitting. I rarely get full, but I can sometimes get satisfied and that is so pleasant. I also have been craving excitement. This is more difficult to come by as I'm very measured and careful. This doesn't mean I never get excited to, say, see my friends and family, but it does mean that I rarely get really jazzed about something. When I feel my brain light up, I treasure it and I reward it when it does. This sometimes means I give into a craving for new pajamas or a new plant or, as I mentioned before, Taco Bell.
Dancing
A friend recently invited me dancing and I politely declined. Dancing is something that makes me feel unbelievably self-conscious. I can occasionally dance with friends and forget about what I think I look like or what I think others are thinking when they look at me. On New Year's Eve, I managed this briefly. I got a little tipsy and for a moment, I was able to ignore my inner thoughts and just be with my friend who was holding my hands and letting herself go with the song. I wish I wasn't so rigid at times, but I think it's a form of protection for myself. I don't want to have to get tipsy to enjoy dancing and it's not like I've made a habit of it--it's just something I've noticed. Maybe I can find a way to quiet my inner self-conscious thoughts. I am working on it. I promise.
Exhausted
I have been exhausted lately. I don't know why. I get enough sleep. I drink coffee. And, when I can, I nap. Maybe I'm burned out. I hope I can find my energy again soon. What do you do to get more energetic? What do you do to recharge? I feel like I'm always recharging but my charger is run down and runs very slowly so it takes forever to get a full charge. Maybe I'm just complaining, but I swear I wasn't always this way.
Goodbyes
One of my coworkers left this week. She and I were working on becoming friends outside of work and were certainly work friends. On top of missing that support at work, I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye. We had planned on having a meal together on her last day, but then she had to reschedule her last day and I couldn't come in in person (well, maybe I could've made it work, but it would've been very difficult). It feels odd to not have had a closer to things. Now, I realize that she and I can stay in touch and I hope we do, but I also know that it can be difficult to make the transition to friends outside of work. I sincerely wish her well, but I find myself looking for and missing the ceremony of saying goodbye.
Pains
I have some small aches and pains. I do not mean in any way to suggest I suffer from chronic pain, but I just mean I don't feel like I used to. Sometimes, even when going to sleep, I feel pain in my hip from lying on it. I likely have plantar fasciitis in my right foot, causing people to think I have a limp or my foot has fallen asleep when I get up after sitting for a while. I also feel the need to stretch more often than I used to (perhaps because I fell off of my yoga routines). This isn't because of pain exactly, but because of discomfort. I know I'm quite fortunate with my health so I don't often complain and I don't mean to complain now--just observe and share. Like I said before, it wasn't always like this. I will be okay though.
(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)
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