Write about an embarrassing high school experience

Ho boy, which to pick?

I think I'm going to go with the time I asked a guy out (yes, I think there was pretty much only one time). There was this guy in my grade (and advisory) who I thought was so cute (and smart) and I just kept thinking about him and developing a major crush.

My friends finally gave me enough courage to ask him out. I put on what I thought was a very sexy outfit (I think I was 15 or 16?). It was a plaid mini skirt and pink short sleeve hoodie (if memory serves that is). I made sure my hair was cute and curly, but I don't think I put makeup on (I still rarely wear makeup, but even less so in high school).

Even though I felt encouraged by my dear friends to just do the damn thing, it took me some time to get up the courage. If I remember correctly, we were on the up stairs (yes, in my high school there were up stairs and down stairs). I asked him if he wanted to go to a movie or something this weekend. He said he'd call me and, overjoyed, I went and squealed with my friends.

But he never called.

Yikes.

I felt so awkward. Like had I pressured him? Had he changed his mind? Had he never meant to call me?

Oy.

The following Monday, I wasn't sure what I'd do. After all, this boy was in my advisory (which is like homeroom) so I saw him every day. Now we weren't close friends or anything so I didn't have to like sit and chat with him if I didn't want to, but still.

I remember the Monday after in advisory that he came and stood near my table, making small talk with me and my friends. It wasn't so bad looking back on it. I got the vibe that he felt bad about not calling and was talking to me then as like a consolation prize. It didn't help my low self-esteem, but he also wasn't outright mean so that is good (high school kids can be cruel after all--as can adults for that matter).

My crush continued for an embarrassingly long time until it moved on to other boys that I never got up the courage to ask out.

I guess I technically did ask my friend to prom, but that was as a friend so I don't really count it as asking a boy out.

I still struggle with this courage though it is easier over apps because I don't have to physically face someone if they say no. I struggle with similar braveries like asking a guy to dance or even trying to make new friends (that first "Wanna hang out?" question can feel so weird). I try and push past the one for friends, but I don't really push past the asking a guy to dance question. I just feel so awkward (and I'm not a great dancer so that doesn't help) and am--I guess--so afraid of rejection.

While I want to be more mature than my high school self, it might be good to remind myself that even close to 20 years ago, I was able to ask a boy out, be rejected, and it was far from the end of the world.

Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash

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