Fifteen Minutes of Scrawl

So, a malaphor is when you blend idioms or cliches into a new phrase (e.g. "It's not rocket surgery"). I was recently reminded of how silly and fun malaphors can be, so I figured I'd try my hand at making some! Here goes (these are in no particular order): Don't cry over low-hanging fruit Kill two birds with an unturned stone Throw caution to the bull in a china shop Saved by the can of worms Sharp as a doorknob We'll cross that bridge when the heart grows fonder Time flies when life gives you lemons Time will tell what's the best medicine All's well that ends in love and war Every cloud has a lemonade lining Icing on the wolf in sheep's clothing The shoe fits on the tip of my tongue Keep the diamond in the rough at bay Makes my melting pot boil Running with the wolves got my goat (Prompt by me) ""It's not like it's rocket surgery."" by Nathan Proudlove . Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic .

Time to wrap things up? Exactly, Mallorie, that's their job (I genuinely love that she's chill about this) Hell yeah, Rasit, Mallorie's dad IS a dick Mido is SO scary Deby, when did Caden give approval? I feel like he gave a reluctant acknowledgement  What is Mido spraying on himself? I hope not cologne cause he will be FRAGRANT Of course Mido gets an ENTRANCE I love that the officiant asked everyone to give Deby and Mido a standing ovation when the few people there were already standing I think Edward seems sweet with Marissa's kids Marissa, I cannot believe you didn't do your research on what sponsoring his visa meant OMG Maxwell's shirt has a photo of Ashia on it and she's eating Ashia, how are Rod's actions confusing at this point? He has bene consistent in his views on Maxwell and this marriage I genuinely do not understand how Thomas and Paula didn't break up after the dinner we last saw I love that they moved forward with the haunted wedding v...

If you don't know (like I didn't not too long ago), Miss USA includes a (non-scored) state costume contest. Often, these costumes are loud, bold, and even wacky. A quick note that the image I used for this post is from a different pageant, but I thought it gave similar vibes. Finally, I have to link out to images of the costumes because those ain't free! With all of that out of the way, here are my 15 favorite state costumes from Miss USA 2026 in state alphabetical order. Miss Alabama, Samantha Havenstrite (clearly a white floral inspiration) Miss Alaska, Holly Huber (a fisherman/crabber inspiration) Miss Connecticut, Jaeden Hamelly (a navy inspiration) Miss Delaware, Julia Hatoum (a chemical engineer--her career--inspiration) Miss Florida, Aileen Cerchiara (a clear flamingo inspiration) Miss Idaho, Katie Tetreault (a salmon in the stream inspiration) Miss Illinois, Vivica Lewandowski (I believe this is a state mineral--which is fluorite--inspiration...

So last night our new Miss USA was crowned. Her name is Justus Kelley and she hails from Virginia. I watched the pageant with friends and was really rooting for her and "Take Me Home, Country Roads" popped into my head even though, yes, it is about West Virginia. But parodies are parodies for a reason! Also, no, the photo is not of Justus Kelley (those aren't free to use!), but I thought the photo captured the hope of a little girl who may one day be crowned. Anyways, I present "Take Me Home, Country Roads" Justus Kelley, Miss Virginia Foster mama, fighting for the kiddos to be cared for, rejoin their fam'lies, Using trash bag luggage, no formalities Pageant crowns, take 'em home Cause you're the gal who will win Miss Virginia, Justus Kelley Take 'em home, pageant crowns Stunning in her space age evening gown Poignant poise, wise with gleaming smile Married sweetheart, thirty one years old Wearing only sponsored, thrifted fashion bold Pageant cr...

For an upcoming baby shower, I have been tasked with crafting Mad Libs (a task I relish). Here are 15 ideas of nursery rhymes/children's songs that could be fun to Mad-Lib-ify.  "Baa Baa Black Sheep" "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" "Five Little Monkeys" "Hey Diddle Diddle" "Humpty Dumpty" "Hush Little Baby" "Itsy Bitsy Spider" "This Little Piggy" "London Bridge Is Falling Down" "Mary Had A Little Lamb" "This Old Man" "Open Shut Them" "Rock-a-Bye Baby" "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" "The Wheels On The Bus" (Prompt by me) "Fairy Garden, Cheltenham, Victoria - 1950s" posted by Kaye . Public domain .

A dear friend texted me a prompt idea: "Put together a course syllabus from your collection of books, and what’s the theme and why read them together"--I thought it was a great idea, so here it goes (also, note that formatting on this blog is a tad limited, but I did my best)! VAMPIRIC LITERATURE (HOLL 101) Instructor Name and Preferred Title : Holly Smith (just call her Holly or she'll feel super old) Affiliated Department/Program/Organization : Independent scholar Degrees held : BA'14 History, minor in Statistics, Swarthmore College, MA'19 Writing, National University of Ireland, Galway (now Galway University) Course Description HOLL 101 invites students to delve into potential origins of European-based vampire lore and then, in turn, how vampiric characters have been portrayed throughout five different fictional works (mentioned and then listed below). Finally, what does this old lore and these texts throughout time tell us about our views of death, monsters, a...

Movers come on Saturday so I gotta be prepared! Throw out the last of the trash Dump the items I plan to curb dump Pack my bathroom rug Disassemble the bathroom storage Move my plants myself Send the movers an update on what is getting moved Unplug my TV Post my two fans and window unit on Buy Nothing Either finish assembling the furniture I have or move them somewhere more out of the way Patch the nail holes Uninstall the building's gate app Return the keys Call the storage unit and figure out how to close out of it Find my storage locker in my new building Clear off the folding table I'm currently using as my all purpose surface (Prompt by me) Photo by Dina Badamshina on Unsplash

Time for a sex dungeon! Do people rent places like this for orgies? The thrusting apparatus looked like it had a Kong on the end of it Jenny, to be fair, the sex dungeon is not a part of the castle so it's wouldn't be in a castle brochure Also, maybe I'm wrong, but I thought a lot of people who are dominant outside of the bedroom like to be submissive in the bedroom Uh like I know we're on TV, but I don't think therapists are supposed to tell their clients that they look like a kinky Gaston I feel like going to pup play first a lot This is so uncomfortable Ahhh Rebecca wanted to have a child with Zied via surrogacy but his religion is against that Shekinah, real question, where did the hair for your wigs come from? Can't some come from the deceased? Shekinah, you okay, girl? Like I know you're terrible, but you do seem off in a way that maybe means a doctor should be contacted I think Sarper could rock some long hair Omg Sumit is still in a cage I wonder if ...

Not sure how many places have all of these, but let's see! Asparagus Avocado Baked salmon Balsamic glaze Brussels sprouts Carrots Clams Gorgonzola Humboldt Fog Kale chips Lox Microgreens Pickled red onions Pumpkin Radish tops (Prompt by me) Photo by Chad Montano on Unsplash

Time for concerns to be raised. Haha Mallorie is explaining why pregaming is a great financial choice Katie looks interested in Cihat Does Rasit know "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent? Honestly, I'm impressed by these strippers--they're so strong! Has Thomas given Paula a budget? That's never been clear to me if he's told her how much they can spend on fun/random stuff Marissa, you can't ask Edward to be a mind reader Marissa, you have not always been sure that you and Edward are meant to be... Ashia...you have not "withstood the test of time" Ashia, people who love you are going to be concerned when you're making a poor decision I do think it's sweet that Shea's daughters and friend are helping Anabelle get ready I hope Allison is being genuine I forgot Anabelle had a daughter I do find it funny that Josh is now dressed as Ginger Spice That said, I hope he enjoys it? Uhhh, Josh? Do you see married life as not being able to express yourself? Jo...

Convince me?  The Alchemist All the Light We Cannot See Atonement The Catcher in the Rye Ender's Game The Fault in Our Stars The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Lolita Memoirs of a Geisha Moby-Dick Pride and Prejudice A Tale of Two Cities Twilight War and Peace Wuthering Heights (Prompt by me) Photo by Charly Álvarez on Unsplash

Here are some short pieces based on things that have happened in my life recently.  "Conversation Set" Why is this "conversation set" called a "conversation set" in some of the instructions, but a "patio set" in others? Also, how many translator rounds did these instructions go through? Surely AI can write a bit more coherently than this. And what is the right amount of tightening the screws to do for the first three so that I can get this forth one to catch a little so I can then tighten them all so it can support my weight? I have had two friends help me with this "conversation set" and it has frustrated us all. I got the small table done today with a friend and a different friend got the rocking chair frames together. Tonight, I have attempted to get the green mesh that will be the actual part of the chair one sits in and I have finally thrown up my hands. I picked this "conversation set" partly based on color, partly based...

Convince me?  The Artist Avatar: The Way of Water Django Unchained Dune Fight Club Kill Bill The Godfather Part II Interstellar Million Dollar Baby Oppenheimer Pan's Labyrinth Project Hail Mary Room Schindler's List The Shape of Water (Prompt by me) Photo by mahdi chaghari on Unsplash

Time for a sex dungeon? John, you're the one being a jerk right now Is this really the first time Pao and Russ have realized that they express and receive love differently? Ah, Rebecca, of course suspenders can't possible fall to the ground without a ghost making them Did...no one tell the medium that many rooms at this place are named for tragically dead queens? Wow a woman on reality TV has daddy issues? This woman MUST be psychic That said, it sounds like Pao's dad was a piece of shit Okay, I'm glad Rebecca acknowledges that psychics cannot provide solid evidence, but I do need Rebecca to actually believe that I do agree that John and Patrick do not look alike Hey, John, getting drunk is BAD ADVICE for how to repair a relationship Also, John, maybe apologize to Thais for yelling at her instead of to Patrick for yelling at her? I can believe that Sarper has been aggressive in the past (we've seen it on the show), but in this conversation he seems to be pretty meas...

Convince me? Breaking Bad Dexter Fargo House of Cards It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms Mad Men Mr. Robot Rick and Morty Scrubs The Sopranos Succession The West Wing What We Do in the Shadows The Wire (Prompt by me) Photo by Nicolas J Leclercq on Unsplash

Time for more family drama? Genuinely confused how Catie and Josh are just moving on Josh...you know your parents will now be able to watch this whole show, right? Catie...you said IN FRONT OF JOSH'S PARENTS that you would TRY to not take other lovers Marissa...Edward is allowed to bring up serious stuff Marissa, I don't get why your tone is THIS harsh with Edward right now Paula really is pretty Aw I'm glad Paula's sister is here Mido...you don't even seem to be able to pretend to support Debby about her son not coming I think it's fair for Anabelle to be nervous to meet Shea's daughter with Nicole To be fair, Shea's kids are allowed to be skeptical of ANYONE coming into their father's life--what matters is how they treat her and how they adjust their view of her based on her actual actions I do get that there is something peaceful about being on the water, but I can't imagine this body of water gives Rasit the same feeling as being on the coast...

I previously made a list of "15 things I still need to do in/at my new condo" --but here are more things I need to do!  Stick door protectors to the inside of my room's door and the outside of the other bedroom door Sort through my IDs and documents to decide what to put in my fireproof case Adhere the window privacy film I got for the glass doors to my porch Gather all of my dad's IDs and documents together to get shredded Decide which photos I want to put in the new frames I've ordered Install the dog barrier I got for the screen door to my porch Put the non-slip bath stickers on the bottom of my tub Give my mom and stepdad their folding chairs back Move the extra paint from the painters to storage Launder the new guest towels I've purchased Fold up my camping chairs and store them Wash the new shower curtain I've ordered Buy more pillows for my guest bedroom Return the outdoor bed Hoban hated Lay my patio rug out (Prompt by me) Photo by Dyana Wing So o...

Here are some short pieces based on things that have happened in my life recently.  Bubble Wrap Seriously, if you are reading this, please package yourself in bubble wrap. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, in less than a month I've had 7 loved ones have a medical procedure and/or scare. Yes, these medical issues varied from planned to put off to emergency and yes, 6 of those 7 are home now, but I need everyone to be more careful. No more, okay? I think I have earned a reprieve of loved ones falling ill or injuring themselves until at least 2027. Yes, I know that's not actually how the world works and yes, I do not not actually believe in curses or such things, but my nervous system cannot take this. I do want to acknowledge that all of these medical issues have had great affects on others' lives, health, and nerves, but I cannot read their minds--I can only read mine. Also, it would not be my business to share their thoughts, feelings, and/or m...

While the title is clearly meant to reference the infamous I Wanna Marry "Harry" , this show is clearly more akin to The Bachelor . That said, I watched the first episode and here are 15 thoughts. If you haven't watched, the premise of Let's Marry Harry  is loosely The Bachelor  where the lead is a guy who has been on other reality dating shows named Harry, but instead of the expectation of getting engaged after about two months, the expectation is that Harry and one lucky(?) lady to get married at the end of month--much crazier Another interesting layer is that Harry will be in the same house as the ladies vying for his heart. On shows like The Bachelor , the lead usually has their own house and just the contestants bunk together. This will likely turn up the drama dial The final layer that is sure to add drama and separate this show from The Bachelor  is that Harry has three advisors (his best friend, a friend who is like a brother to him, and his ex that he is now ...

Time for some (probably) bad advice.  Wait did Kara and Guillermo share a room last night? This crinkly chip bag is a lot It's John! John is here to stay on TV... Shekinah, your comment wasn't taken wrong Also, yeah, maybe Thais shouldn't have gotten in your space, but that doesn't mean you get to be racist and xenophobic Sarper...are you the breadwinner? Hey, Shekinah, how do you not recognize that speaking your mind when your mind is racist is going to have consequences? I cannot judge Kara's accent, but I am impressed that she knows English, Spanish, and at least some Chinese Oop and Guillermo dropped he's gonna buy a motorcycle when they already have one Also, I think fixing the old motorcycle may be cheaper than a new one as he doesn't even seem to have done research on it Oop, Kara, now was not the time to bring up the deed Sumit, you do have a pattern of lying to try and make people not mad at you John, a bar and a club are different Also, John, you k...

The other day, I was chatting with my therapist and she brought up the idea of miscellaneous emotions and memories drawer (I had called it a junk drawer, but she said that was too negative). Basically, the idea is that we all contain multitudes, but not all are useful at every moment. So, they all sit together in a drawer and we pull out what is needed in the moment. Here are 15 things in my miscellaneous emotions and memories drawer about my dad. My dad was intelligent and encouraged my curiosity  He fell asleep sitting up in a dining room chair while we spent time together His early retirement would've been seen as a blessing to many My dad struggled much more after he no longer had to show up and be accountable He loved art--especially outsider art His pieces he made while in a care home could be considered outsider art--as far as I understand the term at least My brother looks more like him than I do He disconnected from most of his family His sister has been the one helpi...

Time for family drama?  Marissa, I love dogs, but I think it's kind of a wild time to get a puppy I'm kind of confused as to how Marissa has two jobs, two homes, and two kids and manages it all Catie, you don't want Josh and like that's fine, but let him go I'm glad that, for once, Catie seems to be listening to Josh Yeah, Josh, THE SIGNS HAVE BEEN THERE! Debby, as someone who doesn't cook much either, I have some sympathy, but you had to know you had to remove the shrimp heads Well I guess Mido finally said he loves Debby Thomas, if there is a budget you have to tell Paula Also, yeah, a big rug that can be outdoors is probably gonna be like $70 Paula, just put one of the kids on that camping bed Thomas, can you not do yoga on the balcony? But, yeah, Thomas, you two do not appreciate life in the same way...which means you may not be compatible Ashia, maybe folks who are married actually have a good perspective on what makes a good marriage Huh Mido did something...