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Starting my parental journey, part 4

You can read part 1 here, read part 2 here, and read part 3 here.

I'm feeling cheery. Perhaps because the sun is out, perhaps because I'm taking some level of control over my fertility, perhaps both.

It's a beautiful sunny day and I have been doing injections since Saturday and today just started my third injectable. So far, I haven't noticed any major side effects. I do have some bruising around where I've been doing the injections, but that's really it. I say so far because I wonder if adding in this new injectable will make a difference.

I am getting more and more confident with the injections and don't even have to watch the video for one of them (but I do watch for the other two). I also took myself to my ultrasound this morning and that was a step for me to go by myself. I also feel kind of proud of myself for taking these steps. It is a bit disruptive to my life, but I remind myself that it's temporary and that it'll be over before I know (seriously though, my procedure could be as early as Monday). I actually even had the fear that once this is over, I'll be sad. I think this is for a few reasons. This procedure is something I've been looking forward to for months now and there can be a bit of a comedown after something ends that you've been looking forward to. I think another reason is that right now I feel like I have a fraction of the excitement of "I'm having a baby!" and when this procedure is over, I'll be putting my parental journey on pause again. Now I do think that's the right step, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to that feeling going away.

It will most likely be 5+ years before I have a child and that's a while to wait. I realize I could start trying to get pregnant shortly after the egg freezing, but I don't think that'd be the right choice for me right now, especially as ideally I'd like to have a child with a partner. But it is difficult to see new babies and pregnant friends and family without wondering, "When will it be my turn?" It's not exactly jealousy that I feel. It's something more akin to longing. I start to think about baby names I like and already have a name picked out if I have a girl by myself (or if my future partner just lets me pick both names). 

But despite all this longing and this knowledge that my excitement will dim, I remind myself that I will have other things to be excited about (including my birthday next month!). I also remind myself to take it one step at a time and not to jump ahead to what I may feel and instead focus on what I am feeling. That is easier said than done for me as, as you likely know, I am somewhat (lol) of a planner.

Anyway, thank you for continuing to read up on my journey. I'll end this post like I ended my last one. If you have the time and energy, please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers as I go through all of it, and see this post about ways to support me through it if you're wondering what I may need/want during this time.

(Prompt by me)

"Pregnancy/Baby Bump" by Alabama Extension


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