I wrote this piece for a creative writing class in college in fall of 2013.
Well, here I am sitting at the bottom of a staircase. Honestly, how does someone not notice that they’re missing a shoe? Especially a shoe as fabulous as I am. I mean, have you seen me? I am a gorgeous clear glass stiletto with intricate flowers carved all over—I really should have been the highlight of her outfit, instead of hiding me under that ridiculously poofy skirt. I’m one of a kind…well unless you count her left shoe, but I’m still clearly the better one—I’m fairly certain the other shoe is just a copy of me and not the other way around.
Plus, if you can’t tell, I’m magic, unlike that other shoe.
Although, I guess so is the stupid dress and everything else she has on, but still they were just magicked into being a few nights ago. I, and I suppose the left shoe, have been around for centuries, making feet into beauties, ordinary women into princesses, and the dull into the fabulous. I am the timelessly fashionable shoe. Clearly the reason why everyone wears shoes today is because of me. Not that everyone can have me, but hey, people can dream.
Point being, how do you not notice that you are now running in only one shoe? I planned this whole thing so that she would actually stop and talk to the guy she’s been dancing with all evening.
Yeah that’s another thing—I’m a glass shoe comfortable enough to dance in for hours but somehow switching from me to the gross ground made no impression.
Back to my plan though, I was hoping that by flying off her foot she would stop this childish plan of running away from the guy that she obviously has a crush on. This is our third time at one of this guy’s parties and he still doesn’t know her name. Come to think of it, I’m not sure she knows his. This gets more ridiculous the more I think about it. And, true, she is supposed to be back at her house before midnight so no one knows she’s gone, but she could stop dancing at, say, ten so she could have time to actually talk to him. Besides, he’s going to find out who she is anyways if she plans to marry him, which, judging by how much she talks in her dreams, she plans to.
Hey is that the guy coming over?
“How does she manage to outrun me?”
Cause her shoes are fantastic.
“Wait, is this her shoe?”
Well done, guy. It’s not like there is only one pair of glass stilettos out there or anything. Oh great, now he’s picking me up.
“This is it! She must have left this as a sign. She loves me! Or perhaps she wants me to give her one of my shoes as a sign of…of something. Yes, that’s it! The shoe represents our future life together and it shall be as beautiful as this shoe.”
At least someone has some appreciation.
“I shall have every maiden in my kingdom try on this shoe and then I shall find my true love!”
Or you could, you know, follow her footsteps, they’re shaped like me and are going off in that—oh, I guess not, we’re headed inside.
“Mother! Father! I have found a shoe!”
Being held up at this height, I can definitely see some of the appeals of this guy. He is clearly incredibly rich. It was hard to tell exactly how rich before because I was only really able to see his floor. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice floor—clean and everything, but now I could see all of the paintings, sculptures, chandeliers, and all other stereotypical rich-people things. Over my years I’ve grown accustomed to such fine things. After all, I deserve only the best out of life.
The guy is also quite handsome and, based on his father, will age into a silver fox.
“Well done, Son. Did you lose the shoe?”
Yes, good sir, your son did lose me. Can’t you tell by his two shoed feet?
“No, dear Father. My true love has lost it and now I can find her—like I found this shoe!”
“Excellent! What is her name?”
“Well…uh…I’m not sure…but this is her shoe! I can tell because it’s all shoe-y.”
Oh sweetie, at least you’re pretty to look at.
“So then your plan is to use this random—”
Who are you calling random?
“—shoe to find your true love?”
“Isn’t it a great plan?!”
“Son, it just doesn’t seem like a good basis for a lifelong commitment.”
“But—but—it’s her shoe.”
Maybe I shouldn’t be trying to set them up.
“Your father just means that he thinks falling in love with a random nameless woman and tracking her by her shoe might come off a bit, well, odd.”
“No, what I meant was that finding a woman via her shoe doesn’t proclaim a solid match to me.”
“But spinning roomfuls of gold does?”
“Quiet, you.”
Well this seems like a stable family to marry into. Although it does seem like every family has their supernatural problems. I suppose what’s the difference between your wish-granting fish being eaten by your stepmother and promising your firstborn child for a roomful of spun gold? It could be worse, they could have never had me to help them.
“I think my plan shall work! Have you seen this shoe?”
Exactly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Finally, it seems like my plan will work. Somehow all of the women of the kingdom are gathered in the ballroom. Although, it does seem a little implausible that all of them could be summoned in a few hours, but I guess I’m a sentient shoe so I really shouldn’t poke holes in others’ plausibility.
“One of you dropped this shoe last night. Whoever’s shoe this is shall be my wife! Now, I’ll just see who is missing a shoe…”
I’m somewhat offended by how many people suddenly ditched one of their shoes. Does no one have appreciation for their shoes? Also, wouldn’t it be obvious that I wasn’t a match for the one shoe they’re wearing? Although to this guy, perhaps it wouldn’t be.
“Hrmm you all seem to be missing a shoe…”
Oh, god. Tell me you can figure out another plan.
“Then I guess everyone will try on the shoe!”
Ew.
“You there, lady, would you like to go first?”
Could he not even eliminate some of these women by, you know, age, or height, or hair color? Or could he really not tell the difference between a 20 year old, six foot tall, blonde and a 50 year old, five foot tall, brunette? For that matter, could he tell the difference between me and a normal shoe? This might be more difficult than I thought.
Oh great the random woman is coming over to try me on.
Shit, her feet look about the same size as my girl. Well, time to shrink. That’s right, my assets include being a perfect fit, and yet she still didn’t notice when I fell off of her foot.
“Ow! I mean, this shoe fits perfectly.”
You wish.
“Hrmm it looks like half of your foot is out of the shoe.”
My, my, his observational skills are improving.
“Next…how about you?”
Again, if he thinks that my girl is his true love, how can he not recognize her?
Ugh this girl’s feet are tiny and grimy looking. Guess this time I’ll be too big. I hope this is over soon, I much prefer my svelte shape.
“My foot fits entirely within this shoe, I must be your future bride!”
Ha she tried to take a step towards him and I fell off. Better luck next prince.
“Hrmm it looks like your foot is too small otherwise I think the shoe would have stayed on your foot.”
Bravo.
Aaaand now he’s pointing to another woman. That’s it—this is not worth my time, I’m speeding this up. I don’t want this to turn into the time women got their blood on me, I can’t begin to tell you how long it took to get those stains out.
Now, where is she?
Aha! Well I hope this plan works.
“What the…did the shoe just fly onto your foot?”
“I—I think so, my prince.”
I feel like it’s fairly obvious that I did just that.
“Then truly you shall be my bride!”
“That would make me most happy Prince…uh Prince…”
Does she really not know the name of her prince? I mean…he’s the prince. Granted, I don’t know his name, but I’ve been around for a long time, why bother to learn one prince’s name when soon I’ll be used to nab a new one? I usually am passed on shortly after the wedding after only a polish and a new silk presentation pillow, when I clearly deserve at least a banquet in my honor.
“Jacob! And you are…”
“Your true love!”
Oh god, I think these two are a match after all. Guess my job is done.
“Most excellent! But what is your name?”
“Oh, yes, my name. It’s Wilhemina.”
“That doesn’t seem like a good name for a queen, but it doesn’t matter! My plan to use your shoe was flawless and thus you must be my true love regardless of your name. Come, let us ride off into our happily ever after.”
You’re welcome. No need to thank me or anything.
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