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I'm like 75% sure this won't explode on us

"I'm like 75% sure this won't explode on us."

"That's not really what you want to hear when your husband is making you dinner."

"I thought you wanted me to try new things!"

"I do, but exploding the both of us wasn't one of them."

"Okay then wait outside and then it'll just explode me."

"John, you know that's not what I mean."

"Aw cause you'd miss me?"

"No, I'd just be stuck with the clean up."

"Hey!"

"You know I'm teasing. Of course I'd be sad if you exploded yourself."

"Well without risk there isn't any reward."

"Is a fancy dessert really worth the risk of explosion?"

"You said this was the best dessert you'd ever I had."

"I did."

"And then you bought the cookbook from that fancy restaurant so that we could try to make it."

"That's not the only reason I bought it..."

"And the recipe includes deep frying."

"Which is delicious."

"And dangerous, hence our predicament."

"Okay, but please be careful."

"Why do people even say that?"

"Say 'be careful'?"

"Yeah."

"Well, because they want someone to be careful."

"Insightful."

"Hey, you asked."

"Yeah, but I more meant what do people expect saying 'be careful' to accomplish. Has anyone ever been about to be insanely reckless and then they were told to be careful and then were very measured in their actions?"

"Probably not."

"So why say it?"

"So the person knows you care, dummy."

"Oh. Well I guess that's okay then."

"Uh huh. But now that I know how you feel, maybe I'll stop saying it."

"But wait, I know how you feel about it."

"Yeah?"

"So it'll be mean if you do."

"Okay then, dear. Be careful."

"Anything for you, my lovely wife. Okay, here we go."

"Hey, no explosion!"

"Yeah but also no cooking."

"It's only been in there a second."

"Pretty sure there should be some bubbling though."

"And you know this from your deep deep frying knowledge?"

"It's what the cookbook says."

"Oh. Well is the oil hot enough?"

"Probably not, but I'm not sure how to check it. I guess I could hover my hand over it."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"You're not allowed to put your hand over something you thought would explode."

"I did when I put the berries in. Where were you objections then?"

"That was very quick and necessary. There has to be another way to check the temperature."

"How? You want to get a thermometer?"

"You say that as though that's a ridiculous idea."

"It is."

"Why?"

"Because they're designed to go in a human mouth, not into boiling oil."

"So you think it won't work?"

"I think there's a chance it could get mercury in the oil and that could be worse than exploding."

"I don't think thermometers have mercury in them anymore."

"You sure about that?"

"I guess not."

"Exactly."

"Wait, didn't Sarah give us some fancy kitchen thermometer for our wedding?"

"Did Sarah give us a thing ten years ago that we've never used? Sure I guess."

"It was nine years ago."

"Oh come one, ten sounds better."

"Inaccuracy doesn't sound better."

"Don't get all huffy. I'll look for the thermometer. Where would we have put it?"

"It's been nine years, how would I know?"

"Well where did we put the stuff we didn't use?"

"Do you not know where our junk drawer is? We've lived in this place for five years."

"Four years."

"Nice try, but I'm right on this one."

"Crap, you're right. Okay, I'll check the junk drawer."

"Thank you."

"Is this it?"

"What does the box say?"

"Was that a "What Does the Fox Say?" reference?"

"No, you goof. Just a practical question."

"Aha! I think this is it!"

"A grand triumph for all."

"It will be once I figure out how to make your favorite dessert."

"Which is very sweet."

"Literally."

"I'm going to stop paying you compliments now."

"Fine, fine. Okay, yep, the oil isn't hot enough."

"So should we let it sit longer?"

"I...oh..."

"What?"

"I turned on the wrong heater."

"This whole time?"

"Maybe. What are you laughing at?"

"You just dropped berries into room temperature oil. I don't know, I just find it very funny."

"Well I'm glad I can be entertaining."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

(Prompt Sent by Katie Durr)

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