Someone find something in their peanut butter

"Oh God, what is that?"

"What is what?"

"Do you really not see that?"

"See what?"

"Look at your knife."

"Oh that is gross."

"Are you just going to keep using that peanut butter?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Cause there was that thing on it."

"It's probably fine."

"Probably?!?"

"It passed inspection didn't it? Made it all the way to our grocery store. I'm sure it's fine."

"You just said probably."

"Well how can we ever be sure about such things?"

"That's not the point."

"Isn't it? Places do recalls all the time, right? So how can we be sure that anything we eat is okay?"

"Okay we can't be 100% sure--"

"--So let me just eat this sandwich--"

"--But we can be sure not to eat something when there is a hunk of something weird in it. That would seem to be a pretty big indicator that it could be something we shouldn't eat."

"A hunk? It's not that big. A speck maybe."

"Look at it again."

"We don't even know what it is, why are you freaking out so much?"

"Exactly because we don't know what it is!"

"Okay, okay. I'll look at the speck again."

"Hunk."

"If that makes you feel better. I'll spread it on another piece of bread--"

"--Spread it on a napkin you goof. Why waste another piece of bread?"

"..."

"You were going to eat it, weren't you?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe you were going to eat the mystery hunk?"

"Hehe."

"Come on, that wasn't that funny."

"Yes it was."

"Fine. You were going to eat the mystery chunk?"

"Maybe it's a tasty peanut chunk and then I'mm just wasting it by having it on a napkin."

"I'm not letting you eat it."

"How would you stop me?"

"I am stronger than you."

"Maybe."

"Do we need to arm wrestle again?"

"No..."

"Okay, so no eating the mystery chunk."

"Fine."

"Don't use a cloth napkin."

"Can I do anything right? I thought these were more environmentally friendly."

"They are, but we don't know what this gunk is. I don't want it in our washing machine."

"Fine, fine. Disposable paper towel it is."

"Thank you."

"Huh."

"What?"

"I still don't know what it is."

"Bring it over here then so I can see."

"You think you can magically tell what it is?"

"Maybe I will recognize it is all I meant."

"You're an expert in mystery hunks?"

"Stop."

"Nope. Anyways, take your look at it."

"Ugh, it's gross."

"How can you tell?"

"It's a blob of something sticky."

"So is peanut butter."

"But this isn't peanut butter."

"It was in peanut butter."

"Yes and that doesn't make it good."

"But it doesn't make it bad."

"I think it's a clump of something."

"Brilliant."

"What?"

"First hunk, then chunk, then clump. I don't see how this tells you what it is."

"No, I mean I think it's made up of smaller things. See?"

"Oh yeah, I think you're right."

"Oh god, is that a leg?"

"Where?"

"There."

"Oh yeah...looks like an insect leg."

"Brian, I think it's a clump of dead ants."

"Weird."

"Weird? That's all you have to say?"

"I've never found a clump of ants in my peanut butter before. What am I supposed to say?"

"Gross! You're supposed to say gross."

"It's not that bad."

"Not that bad?"

"Ants aren't poison. In fact, they're more protein."

"They're ants!"

"Exactly. They're not some unknown substance. They're not a clump of chemicals, they're just ants."

"You're still going to eat peanut butter from that jar, aren't you?"

"Yeah. At worst I eat a few ants. I'm sure I've done that before."

"You're sure you have?"

"Yeah didn't you eat them when we were kids?"

"No!"

"Well, I did."

"And what a specimen you are now."

"It's not gonna hurt me to eat the rest of the peanut butter."

"I will hurt you though."

"For eating peanut butter?"

"For eating ants! We should complain to the grocery store. We should return it."

"Oh man, you think we can sue them?"

"You just said you were fine with it."

"Yeah but if we sue them, we can get a lot more peanut butter."

"What a simple man you are."

"Peanut butter is the spread of the gods."

"That just sounds wrong."

"Sue me."

(Prompt by me)

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