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What is something not many people understand about you?

To be fair, I guess I don't know if people know this about me, but it's something I've noticed about me and I've never heard anyone comment on. 

Anyways, here it goes:

You can usually tell how well I'm doing by how many photos I'm posting online.

I love to take photos (of my friends, of my dog, of my neighborhood, of things I just find interesting or beautiful or funny) and I love to share the photos on Instagram and/or (usually and) Facebook. The better my mood is, generally, the more photos I take and share.

Now this isn't a perfect rule, but it's a pretty good rule of thumb. 

The sharing part is key, though. Just because I take a lot of photos, doesn't mean I'm doing well. It's the sharing that is the real measure. If photos are like a week or more late in going up, it probably means I've been struggling to find the energy to do it. Now I don't really edit my photos except for bits on Instagram but I do usually take more than I post and it takes energy to go through the photos, edit them if I'm going to, prepare to post them, caption them etc., and then share them. Finding the energy to do all of that is usually not something that I can do if I'm in a low mood as I rarely find the energy to do much when I'm in a low mood. I also often find that people expect that when I post a photo that it was taken that day. This is just typical of the world we live in right now, but sometimes if I miss posting photos that day (often because the day went late), then I feel this pressure about posting them and confusing everyone so I end up delaying it. If I am in a low mood, I let this pressure get to me and it can mean I post even later because I've built up anxiety around posting the photos.

While the sharing portion is key, so it the number of photos I take. If I'm not noticing the beauty around me then I'm probably in a low mood. If I'm not taking pictures of friends it might mean that I'm not seeing them or that I'm too self-conscious to ask people to take a selfie with me (I'm always a bit afraid that I'm being annoying when I ask for a selfie). If I'm not taking pictures of my dog, I may not be appreciating having him in my life enough (or sometimes lighting is just too bad or he's moving too fast when I am). All of these can be symptoms and/or causes for a low mood. When I'm in a better mood, I notice more things and moments that I want to capture and share and get engagement from (a big reason why I share my work both visual and literary). 

The engagement on my work also helps put me in a higher mood. Getting a simple "lol" on a goofy photo I took makes me smile. Getting likes on my blog posts makes me feel seen. If I'm not seeking out this engagement, then I'm likely in a low mood with little to no energy and/or convinced that I won't get the kind of engagement I want. In a better mood, I may not even care if my goofy photo or blog post gets likes, but I share it anyways. In a low mood, I may never want to share my work.

I'm not sure when I noticed this pattern myself so I really don't judge if people haven't noticed this about me, but I am curious if other people have. I guess I noticed it a few years ago now (maybe when I got Instagram?), but I'm sure it's been a pattern for a long time. Perhaps it's something I should mention to my therapist now that I think of it (not sure why I haven't done that before to be honest).

Anyways, I don't want people to worry all the time when I'm not posting many photos, but it may be worth checking in with me if you notice a pattern emerging. Worst case, you say hi and I'm doing just fine and we get to just chat about happy things. Or--maybe this is actually the worst case--I could really use someone checking in and I'm glad you reached out.

So, what is something you think not many people understand about you? What do you think is something not many people understand about me?

(Prompt provided by Amelia Sacco)

"Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX100" by XavierAP
 

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