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2023 reflection

So this is meant to be a set of loosey-goosey thoughts on the year. 

This year was great in some ways and not great in many others. I don't mean to say it was a terrible year because some incredible things happened.

On the incredible side includes: a new nephew! I got to spend time with my darling newest nibling this year and baby cuddles are good for my soul. I did not mind at all being nap-trapped by him. He is so darling and I love getting updates.

But then, I missed his first Christmas. I did get to see him over video call but that's just not the same. I fully understand why my brother and his family didn't travel, but that doesn't mean I don't miss them.

Also on the positive side, I moved towards egg freezing. I haven't started the process yet, but I plan to start it in January. I am scared though, but I will post more about that in a later post.

I also had some amazing times with friends. I really count myself lucky for the friends that I have. I did a cocktail-making class at a magic-themed bar, went out to some great bars, and dressed in ugly sweaters and fancy clothes alike. I also did much more than that, but those are what occurred to me as I wrote this.

I had some down times too. I've been lonely at times. Not just because I've been alone in my apartment at times, but because I've felt the keen absence of a partner many times. This absence is often most felt when I visit my father. If I had a partner, maybe I'd have someone to come with me every time. My mom has been coming with me more which is immensely appreciated, but it also isn't the same as having a partner. There is also the extreme likelihood that my father will never meet the man I ultimately marry and I hope I do marry one day, but sometimes that seems so unlikely. Dating is so difficult and I have so many self-conscious and body image issues that I have such doubts that I will ever find someone that I want to date who wants to date me. I already have a difficult time finding someone I want to date when swiping and then, most of the time, they don't swipe back. Then, on the rare occasion they do, the conversation usually fizzles. I can't even honestly remember the last time I went on a date, but I did go on some dates this year. None were terrible and one was actually exciting, but, of course, that guy ghosted me.

We actually had relatively few major scares with my father this year, but there were some. He did get COVID, which, luckily, turned out to be an inconvenience more than anything else. There were also some frustrations with his care home, mostly administrative, but they were quite annoying to deal with. The larger issue has been trying to determine what the future of his care looks like. There aren't a ton of options and none of the options are ideal. My brother and I are working on it though and advocating for him the best we can, never fear.

I've also had some down times that I can't always explain. Sometimes I just get sad and I don't know why. I don't think this is unique to me, but it is difficult for me to explain to people. I think this is because we as people like to know explanations for things and like to fix things and it's difficult to fix things if we don't know why they're happening.

In the new year, I have a lot of hopes (you can read my post about personal hopes here), but mostly I suppose I hope to improve upon this year (and hey, I'll be getting not one, but two new nephews in the new year so that's pretty exciting).

In the meantime, I truly appreciate you reading my blog even if you dip in and out. I find this blog helpful for reflecting, keeping up with my shows, thinking critically, and practicing my writing (though I want to do more of this).

Here's to 2024!

(Prompt by me)

"2023 Calendar" by Daniel Foster. Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic.


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