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Alligator jobs

So, as everyone knows (or should know), alligators are my favorite animal. I think they're beautiful and they won evolution (like seriously, they did, just look up some of the stuff they can do). If it was a good idea to employ alligators (which, to be fair, it is not), here are some ideas for what jobs they'd be good for.

  1. Security. Now this would be good because just having an alligator in front of a door would discourage anyone from going inside it even if the alligator was not trained to do anything.  However, they also have incredible jaw strength and could easily fend off an intruder. Also, alligators have really great healing abilities (like can get a limb ripped off, hop into a swamp, and then not die of either blood loss or blood poisoning) so they'd be great security employees.
  2. Deliverymen. Okay so admittedly this would be a bit terrifying for people, but alligators can swim incredibly fast and it'd be easy to attach some sort of sack to their back so that the alligator could carry whatever needs to be delivered because, admittedly, alligators don't have hands that can carry something with ease. Alligators can also get up to about 30mph on land (please note this if you ever see one in real life, it can outrun you, do not think that just because it's chilling on land that you have the advantage) so they can also traverse the land pretty well. Finally, alligators can also climb fences (they're actually a problem for NASA and that's not a joke) so sure they won't be able to open a gate, but they'll just get themselves over fence and delivery that Amazon package.
  3. Spies. So alligators are not always the most discrete animals, but they can be nearly submerged in water, but have their eyes and nostrils above water. If this isn't prime spy position, I don't know what is. Also, did you know that alligators can climb trees? Yes, this is terrifyingly true. So not only could alligators spy from the water, they could also spy from the treetops. They would be especially effective in the early stages when no one is looking out for alligators and then they could also just chill on land and watch people.
  4. Scientists. Okay so this one is a bit out there, but bear with me. Scientists and doctors do have this weird history of self-experimentation (don't believe me? check out the Sawbones episode on it) and alligators have some things that need researching. Their blood is insanely resistant to infection (recall the part earlier of not dying after having a limb ripped off and then hopping in dirty water) to the point that we hope that it can help humans. Alligator scientists, if struck by wanting to help humans or just make an important scientific discover, could research their own blood and help save countless lives. Or, you know, maybe alligators already know the answer to this somehow and could then just deliver a paper on it (who knows?).
  5. Exercise instructor. Alligators are very powerful swimmers and could attempt to teach making that S motion that helps them move so powerfully. They also could attempt to pass on floating tips, but since their abilities to relate to being able to shift internal organs maybe they wouldn't have the best tips. They also could show the power of what is called their 'death roll' which is why it takes several humans to hold down an alligator. I feel like teaching some of the death roll techniques could be passed on to wrestlers to get out of being pinned. Again, they also can climb trees and fences and that could be a great exercise for people too.
Okay so I hope these amused you and made you at least a little bit more interested in alligators. For those of you who didn't know that I love alligators, you have certainly learned a very important thing about me (please also note that I have a collection of alligator and other crocodilian things like water bottles and socks and toys so if you ever want to get me something, there's an idea...just saying my birthday is in less than a month).


(Prompt by Kimisha Cassidy)

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