15 joke New Year's resolutions

This list does not constitute real suggestions. 

1. Save money by making a swear jar for yourself
2. Work out by asking people to tickle you
3. Travel more by taking the bus (oh the places you'll go)
4. Expand your wardrobe by shoplifting
5. Try a new hobby: looking up numbers in the phone book
6. Get more dates set up by catfishing as a minor celebrity
7. Refine your look by copying--down to every hair--the style of your work frenemy
8. Drink less by only doing shots
9. Eat healthier by just eating from your neighbor's vegetable garden (become a rabbit)
10. Sleep better by sabotaging all of the streetlights on your block
11. Expand your palate by ordering a dish that you don't know any of the ingredients of (allergies be damned!)
12. Add more excitement to your life by doing everything on roller skates
13. Take better care of your health by calling your doctor for every minor inconvenience
14. See your dentist more by pulling out a different tooth each month
15. Go out into nature more by getting lost in the woods

(Prompt by Eleanor Pratt)

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash