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Fever dream: Admit one thing you probably shouldn’t do, but lowkey want to?

I've thought about this prompt for a bit, and there are two things I can come up with. 

The first is getting full sleeves of tattoos. Now, this isn't, on its own, a bad idea. Plenty of people have sleeves and love them. But, for me personally, I think it'd be a bad idea. This is for a few reasons. One is that it would be super expensive. There is no getting around this. Tattoos are works of art and works of art are often expensive (with good reason, mind you). The next is that I think I'd get bored or annoyed at old ones. Yes, they could be reworked or removed, but, again, expensive. I also am a bit of a wimp when it comes to pain, so getting full sleeves would likely be really difficult for me to get through. Finally, while I am working on a better body image, I do fear that my changing body would warp sleeves and then add to my body image issues.

Now for why I want to do it. It would be cool to have art on my body. Art that I admire. Art that I love. Art that means something. Or, simply, art that makes me smile. I have a few ideas for things I'd get. A gator, obviously. Also a coelacanth (reminds me of my dad). Then there are goofier ones like Mothman or other cryptids. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

The second thing I probably shouldn't do but lowkey kind of want to do, to be honest, is to be sexually free. I know some people label the sexually free as sluts with a negative connotation, but people have the right to choose what to do with their bodies (assuming it's not harming someone). And if that is having sex with whomever else wants to, then so be it. I am pretty reserved when it comes to any kind of romantic physicality (can you tell by the words I use to describe?). I have my reasons for being this way: I want to trust the person I'm with, I want to limit chances of unplanned pregnancy and exposure to STIs, it's rare that I feel a strong physical attraction to a real person in front of me (versus a celebrity), and, to be frank, I'm afraid it'll hurt more than it's worth.

But, I wish I had had some more carefree 20s moments of being sexually free. I wish I had stories to share when friends talk about hook-ups or exes. I wish I had a better sense of what it would be like. I wish I had a better sense of what I liked. I wish, I wish, I wish. But I'm not in my 20s anymore. I'm supposed to be more sensible now that I'm in my 30s. Yes, age is, to some extent, a construct. I could decide to be sexually free in my 30s, but how would I get past the feeling that it is a bad idea? How do I override the fear? How could I ever let go of control that much? Could I even get past these ideas enough to enjoy the experience?

Yes, there is nothing inherently wrong with how I am currently, but the question was what is something I probably shouldn't do, but lowkey want to. I probably shouldn't do it because of my own thoughts/hang-ups/issues/fears on the matter (as I've mentioned above), but I lowkey want to know what it'd be like to not have those thoughts/hang-ups/issues/fears. What would it be like to worry less about things like this?

What would it be like to worry less in general? Would I make more mistakes? Maybe? But maybe I'd also feel freer.

(Prompt provided by Kimisha Cassidy)

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


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