Skip to main content

Starting my parental journey, part 4

You can read part 1 here, read part 2 here, and read part 3 here.

I'm feeling cheery. Perhaps because the sun is out, perhaps because I'm taking some level of control over my fertility, perhaps both.

It's a beautiful sunny day and I have been doing injections since Saturday and today just started my third injectable. So far, I haven't noticed any major side effects. I do have some bruising around where I've been doing the injections, but that's really it. I say so far because I wonder if adding in this new injectable will make a difference.

I am getting more and more confident with the injections and don't even have to watch the video for one of them (but I do watch for the other two). I also took myself to my ultrasound this morning and that was a step for me to go by myself. I also feel kind of proud of myself for taking these steps. It is a bit disruptive to my life, but I remind myself that it's temporary and that it'll be over before I know (seriously though, my procedure could be as early as Monday). I actually even had the fear that once this is over, I'll be sad. I think this is for a few reasons. This procedure is something I've been looking forward to for months now and there can be a bit of a comedown after something ends that you've been looking forward to. I think another reason is that right now I feel like I have a fraction of the excitement of "I'm having a baby!" and when this procedure is over, I'll be putting my parental journey on pause again. Now I do think that's the right step, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to that feeling going away.

It will most likely be 5+ years before I have a child and that's a while to wait. I realize I could start trying to get pregnant shortly after the egg freezing, but I don't think that'd be the right choice for me right now, especially as ideally I'd like to have a child with a partner. But it is difficult to see new babies and pregnant friends and family without wondering, "When will it be my turn?" It's not exactly jealousy that I feel. It's something more akin to longing. I start to think about baby names I like and already have a name picked out if I have a girl by myself (or if my future partner just lets me pick both names). 

But despite all this longing and this knowledge that my excitement will dim, I remind myself that I will have other things to be excited about (including my birthday next month!). I also remind myself to take it one step at a time and not to jump ahead to what I may feel and instead focus on what I am feeling. That is easier said than done for me as, as you likely know, I am somewhat (lol) of a planner.

Anyway, thank you for continuing to read up on my journey. I'll end this post like I ended my last one. If you have the time and energy, please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers as I go through all of it, and see this post about ways to support me through it if you're wondering what I may need/want during this time.

(Prompt by me)

"Pregnancy/Baby Bump" by Alabama Extension


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days season 5, episode 4

Excited to meet Johnny! So Ximena has faith in more kisses Mike...why did you delete that call info? Mike, you didn't download the dictionary? Caleb, Alina keeps giving hints that you're supposed to kiss her The tumbleweed necklace is sweet Memphis, your language barrier is huge Poor Hamza's friend If your ankles are swollen, Kim, I'd go to a doctor Okay, let the record show that Kim said Usman could go alone (okay she kinda goes back on that) Johnny is quitting his job for this visit? Doesn't he have a kid to support? Okay I'm gonna be mean for a sec...Johnny's friend WISHES he could get someone as pretty as Ella Gino is a child I guess Gino knows his way around Uh oh, Gino, what are you hiding?  Ah he's still friends with an ex...Jasmine will hate that when she finds out Mike is so stressed out Caleb called Elijah stunning Elijah is great TV Sexy Naruto Johnny and Ella may be a good fit actually Rosa Ree is so charming Oop Alina was living with an ex u...
Post a Comment
Read more

15 Valentine's Day cards with alligators or crocodiles

Happy Valentine's Day! 1. Honestly, all of Liz Climo 's stuff is great 2. Not sure who created this beauty, but I found it here 3. You can purchase instructions for this beautiful craft here 4. I'd snap you up if you said be my valentine. 4 1/2" x 6 3/4" circa 1930s cards moves so that figure falls into alligator's mouth mechanical flat Found it here 5. Sadly this guy is discontinued, but if it comes back, you can buy it here 6. Buy it here ! 7. Alligators can be letters! Buy this card here 8. Adding chocolate never hurts. Image from here 9. This cutie has my heart. Find it here 10. Not 100% sure why an alligator needs a boat, but this dish (and three others) are for sale here 11. And there's a picture of a train! Found here 12. Points for using a real alligator photo. Find it here 13. This is an incredible craft. Find the ins...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm angry

I'm angry. And I don't (at the moment) want to be talked out of it. I struggle, often, with expressing or even just sitting with my emotions. I feel like even the photo I chose for this post was more reserved or toned down than how I feel.  But, this is my trying. I'm not going to time this post, just going to write until I feel done, whenever that may be. In this post, I'm going to focus on the anger I feel around my dad and my dad's death. Though, don't get me wrong, I'm also angry about a lot of things going on in my city, in my country, and in the world. My dad chose alcohol over me and my brother. There is no way around this fact. Yes, when I am less angry, I can be more reasonabl and recognize that addiction is a disesase and he didn't have control over it. But, right now, I want to be angry. I want to get to be angry. I want to get to feel my feelings. I don't want to rationalize, I don't want to be reasonable, I don't want to be fair....
Post a Comment
Read more