Fifteen Minutes of Scrawl

Happy Halloween! It's the most Hauntiful time of the year With the kids trick or treating And everyone greeting you with a good fear It's the most Hauntiful time of the year It's the spook-spookiest season of all With those Halloween greetings and gay costumed meetings When friends come to call It's the spook-spookiest season of all There'll be parties for hosting Candy hoards for boasting And pranking out in the night There'll be scary ghost stories And tales of the gories of Halloweens so filled with fright It's the most hauntiful time of the year There'll be much curse bestowing And gourds will be glowing When dead ones are near It's the most hauntiful time of the year There'll be parties for hosting Candy hoards for boasting And pranking out in the night There'll be scary ghost stories And tales of the gories of Halloweens so filled with fright It's the most hauntiful time of the year There'll be much curse bestowing And gourds wi...

 My final Halloween parody will appear on Halloween! Satan baby, just slip a satyr under pumpkins for me Been an awful bad girl Satan baby, so hurry up the Hell fire tonight Satan baby, a big collection of cursed souls too, yes Boo I'll wait up for you, dear Satan baby, so hurry up the Hell fire tonight Think of all the fun I've missed Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed Next year, I could be just as good If you check off my dev'lish list Satan baby, I want a curse cause that's better than a purse Been an demon all year Satan baby, so hurry up the Hell fire tonight Satan honey, one little thing I really need, the deed To a sulfur-filled mine Satan baby, so hurry up the Hell fire tonight Satan cutie, and fill my nightmares with tragedies and wrecks Carve your "X" on my soul Satan baby, so hurry up the Hell fire tonight Come and play my Ouija board With some planchette pieces brought from hordes I really do believe in you Let's see if you belie...

 It's almost Halloween so time for another parody! I don't want a lot for Hallow There is just one thing I beg I don't care about the candies Filling up my plastic bag I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true oh All I want for Hallow is you I don't want a lot for Hallow There is just one thing I beg, and I Don't care about the candies Filling up my plastic bag I don't need to carve my pumpkins There upon the front porch stair Dev'lish ghosts won't make me happy With a scare on Halloween I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Hallow is you I won't ask for much this Hallow I won't even wish for gourds, and I I just wanna keep on waiting Right upon the Ouija board I won't cast a curse and yell it To Hell below for devils I won't even stay awake To hear imps and their revels 'Cause I just want you here tonight Lurking close enough to bite What m...

Yes, I do realize that this is already a kind of parody, but that doesn't mean I can't parody it again to be about 2020. I hope you all know that a lot of this is doing for comedy and not to be accurate. For those who don't know, "I Hate Everything But You" is a song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend . Watch it here .  The loaves of sourdough, breads brimming with starch I've hated crap like that since way back in March While everyone was panicked and hoarding TP rolls I would mutter "this sucks" while looking at polls I detested most stuff and I still do You see, I hate everything but you I hate the feeling of my mask when it hits my skin I don't like that you can't see if I have a grin I hate when people doom scroll and comment hashtag "mood" I hate when people do not get delivery food I hate when someone says "2020, right?" Or when people actually still get on a plane flight I hate white people who shout but blue lives matter, g...

 Yes, another Crazy Ex-Girlfriend  parody. I think this one is clear. Watch the original here . Prez Trump, our villainous chief You've brought us pain, you've brought us grief But now that the election is near Why are you still here? It's beyond belief It's time to get your ass out of White House I don't care where you go I just want you to know You've got to get your ass out of White House Seriously Why don't you just go and flee? Year after year You're always here So let me be clear We want you to disappear Just in case you had any doubt It's time to get your ass out Prez Trump, I know that was mean But I think you should know how horrified I've been With all that you have done and everything you want So follow along with this sing-songy taunt And please just get your ass out of White House 'Cause we're not in the mood To keep on calling your crude Good God, just get your ass out of White House Our allies think it's a shame They sa...

I just binge-watched most of season 4 and it'll be interesting to have Chantel and Pedro's start on TV as a perspective for where they're at now. Wait Winter AND River is leaving? Ha what a short storm off Chantel is sounding so rude Chantel was not dancing with men Chantel...not sure Angenette is ratting you out when everything you did was on camera I do appreciate Pedro standing up for Chantel Dear god can we stop saying "cookie cutter" Why hasn't Nicole or Marcey impersonated Royal yet? Ha Karen thinks this was like a Festivus...I guess with the airing of grievances Why isn't Thomas wearing the matching sweater to Karen? Chantel picks the tightest sweater Yes, this gift is just to go meet Alejandro Do we know what has happened with Pedro's dad? "You don't have to put your spoon in that soup" Ho clothes Pedro is saying that Chantel has forgotten about "his plátano" which means "his banana" Pedro says they don't h...

 Okay this episode is title "Bris-fully Ignorant" and I had to call attention to it. I know too much about Jenny and Sumit's sex life Tbh I feared it was going to be a cock ring Yep people do just get take their own babies home...it's when it's not their baby that it's a problem Ah no rules for car seats here Okay while there may be no law about needing a car seat, you should still get one...you cannot hold onto a baby during a crash Like they should've had a plan for this, but I also understand being exhausted and a new mom and demanding the baby be walked Yes, you can trip and fall with a baby, but you can also get into a car crash with the baby Ah another welcoming ceremony that the American was not told about I would not want to see this either, but I would've been okay with it if I had been warned Yikes...Ari didn't say "I love you" back to Biniyam Jihoon quit?  Yeah Jihoon did get into a lot of trouble with those cell phones Yeah De...

 I hope people enjoy theses spooky/spoopy haikus. Empty the pumpkins of their seeds and their innards so they'll shine brightly. Disguises make sweet childish demands for treats and the ensuing tricks. Other-worldy doors become ajar once a year and ghosts dance once again. Eerie long shadows follow even small footsteps chasing them to graves. Banshees whistle chills, Werewolves call upon bright moons, Demons cast shadows. (Prompt by me) "Fall Colors" by Land Between the Lakes KY/TN

 I'm still learning about my doggo. He wants to protect me from bikes and runners His current favorite dog is Lilo (a friend's neighbor's dog) He hilariously tries to hump dogs much bigger than him He's a great cuddle buddy He will eventually destroy every toy He will beg for bits of strawberry, put the bits in his mouth, spit the bits out, and repeat this process He knows his name He's beautiful He often dreams He likes to lie down in front of the bathroom door while I'm in the bathroom  He is so soft He may be part Jack Russell Terrier based on his teeth He needs to work on bringing toys to me when he wants me to throw them again He puts his paw on you when he wants your attention He's my dog and I love him (Prompt by me)

 Last debate stream of consciousness of 2020! I love how the presidential debates don't start on time Ha Biden made a point to take his mask off while walking in to emphasize how Drumpf doesn't wear masks Lol they're only muting after the 2 minute statements and not in the part where we'll need it Yeah just cause spikes or surges end, doesn't mean there won't be more To be fair, you can measure any amount of time in weeks Biden is meditating to find the calm that will allow him not to jump over his podium and punch Drumpf in the face Pushing Drumpf for details works because it will show how many ways he's lying Again though, why different flag pins? "Dark winter is coming"~Biden Drumpf, the opening of our country is why we'll have a dark winter Hey, hey, Drumpf...Biden doesn't currently have to act faster than you because he isn't the president "He has this thing about living in a basement." Drumpf is describing Biden that a c...

When in doubt, I got to parody songs. On the first ep of 90 day TLC gave to me A romance across borders On the second ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the third ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Three catfish Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the fourth ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Four tongues not learned Three catfish Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the fifth ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Five screaming fights Four tongues not learned Three catfish Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the sixth ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Six "Oops still married"s Five screaming fights Four tongues not learned Three catfish Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the seventh ep of 90 day TLC gave to me Seven families judging Six "Oops still married"s Five screaming fights Four tongues not learned Three catfish Two unplanned kids, and A romance across borders On the eighth ep of 9...

And we'll never be Royal's (Royal's). River is clearly blind to Royal's faults River...don't you still live at home? Wait are Winter and Jah still together? What? This family judging? Who would've thought they would ever do that? Winter, if it isn't covered by your insurance, proceed very carefully River just offers Chantel's money Winter is beautiful This guy makes enough money as a manager of a retail store to buy you an i-Phone and send you flowers twice a week? Nicole and Coraima have Chantel's body language down Wait, what is Nicole studying to be again? Omg is Chantel gonna work for a plastic surgeon? I love that the receptionist asked Chantel's name for narrative sake because she is obviously Chantel, the one you were told would be coming with a camera crew Oh Chantel was getting her RN degree Chantel's resume formatting is awful Chantel is so nervous in this interview Chantel has already gotten botox? Chantel just doesn't want to ...

Yes, we are far more than 12 weeks into COVID, but I'm still writing this parody now because I don't want to wait for 12 months of COVID to go by.   On the first week of COVID the cosmos sent to me A virus without a vaccine On the second week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Two foster dogs, and A virus without a vaccine On the third week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Three new plants Two foster dogs, and A virus without a vaccine   On the fourth week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Four sourdough loaves Three new plants Two foster dogs, and A virus without a vaccine On the fifth week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Five TP rolls Four sourdough loaves Three new plants Two foster dogs, and A virus without a vaccine On the sixth week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Six Zooms a-crashing Five TP rolls Four sourdough loaves Three new plants Two foster dogs, and A virus without a vaccine On the seventh week of COVID the cosmos sent to me Seven weddings cancelled Six Zooms a-crashing Fiv...

 I think this is the finale? Florian has perfume Florian's accessories are insane Stacey, Florian just keeps giving out little bits of information...why do you think he's done doing that? Rhode Island...cool? Stacey's outfit is also insane Back at it with the strawberries I'm not sure I'd count bringing strawberries and champagne as a surprise Darcey, don't go all Baby Girl on Georgi Darcey's glasses don't have lenses filling the entire frames and I'm mad Darcye, Georgi is right that Stacey and Florian could've been having sex Georgi called Darcey Stacey and Darcey is like, we're not swingers Stacey has already changed her outfit Wow Darcey gave them $100 But there are gifts in the bag...are we not gonna see them? "My lamb. My chicky bones." HA Georgi is drinking a Corona I would love a man who can cook Wow a guy interview is weird Florian, you have never done any chores because your mom did them all fo ryou These are gigantic glass...

 So glad we're back on this show. Wait...how did we not tell Hannah yet? Did Hannah's friends' parents really okay thembeing on TV? My god Hannah is so cute KENNY KNOWS NO SPANISH AND IT'S INSANE I really hope Armando and Kenny stay together TBH if you wanted your parents to be there for the birth, they should've been here already...you are only a week away from your due date More pain does not equal more love It is fair to be scared during a c-section though I'd find it hard to not cry in this situation too So this place looks nice, but how are they paying for it? I love Jihoon calling himself a fashionista I think these are fresh interviews because Deavan looks refreshed OMG A PUPPY Bam Bam is precious but also a dumb choice when you're struggling for money Idk I'd let Jihoon wash the poopy rug Also, don't put your feet on the poopy rug cause there can be diseases Deavan, what show told you to wash a rug this way? Jihoon knows his brand I feel like...

Okay, to be honest, I am 100% stealing this idea from the podcast 90 Day Bae  hosted by Nicole Byer and Marcy Jarreau. This was never the way I prayed Not my invocation I got so hot, gift in hand Met her incarnation It's not what, I'm used to Just wanna try it on, my piety for you Caught your attention I kissed a god and I liked it The taste of her omnipotence I kissed a god just to try it I hope my clergy don't mind it It felt like sin It felt holy Don't mean I'm in love fully I kissed a god and I liked it I liked it No, I don't even know your shrine It doesn't matter You're my sexy heavenly sign Just human belief It's not what, zealots do Not how they should worship My creed gets so confused Hard to follow I kissed a god and I liked it The taste of her omnipotence I kissed a god just to try it I hope my clergy don't mind it It felt like sin It felt holy Don't mean I'm in love fully I kissed a god and I liked it I liked it Deities are so...

Tis the season! The laughter came from beneath our cold feet, Our rasping stairs brought us to dusty tiles, In the grime naked footprints charged with heat, Our fearful eyes led us to gleaming smiles. Misshapen canines glinted in low light, We called out asking who are what they were, They only would say that they were the blight, What had we done that their cruel grudge could spur? My husband began trembling, confessing, I had not known of his sins and I froze, Then vile fangs began advancing, pressing, I stayed in place as he rose his death throws. The gnashing died down, smiles retreating then I began following in their wake, when I became just bone entering their glen. (Prompt by me) "1930s basement" by Woodford Yang

Yes, I am committed to sticking with this 15 theme. Your feathers so blue against asphalt stood, They fluttered with breeze and your dying breath, But signs blew past and so save you, I would, This day's fate could not have foretold your death. As I kept my dog close to my own side, I rang for help thus assured I'd done right, In cardboard cradle you twitched, perhaps cried, You'd fallen before but soon you'd take flight. Then came the wat'ry mess, but still I scorned, Faith with works surely would not let you die, Aid arrived, but too late and so we mourned, All I'd done had not been the reason why. Your beak and bleak eyes linger still in mind, Your soul and others became intertwined, Some saving can't come by others' acts kind. (Prompt by me) "IMG_20180203_161059323" by Mike Linksvayer

Welcome back! "I'm Pedro and this is my guitar Chantel" I do appreciate the recap Hi, Pedro's butt "I'm here Pinky Winky" Okay, how long has Chantel been in school? That was an awkward point Chantel made that if Pedro wants them to have more money for themselves that they would need to send less money because she said it so meanly There's another sibling??? And he decided he wanted to hop on this show? Chantel's plan is to just buy any instrument...okay Yes, two K-1s in the family Chantel, lots of people get married faster on the K-1 I agree that they should put limits on gifts, but yeah they need to have that discussion I wonder if Chantel is pregnant Chantel, they feel differently for a few reasons. Is some of it that he's the eldest and a man? Sure. Is it also because they didn't lie about what they were doing? Probably I think buying a guitar for someone who knows a lot about instruments when you don't know a lot about instruments...

I'm adding in one more line so that it's a 15 line poem to keep up with my theme of 15. As I walk down my darkened avenue, I glance up to each pane of glass in turn. Is there a light to welcome in a view? Perhaps some candles lit bright as they burn? Some windows are shut snugly for the night, With curtains drawn up like wool blankets warm, Peace found in silence and secluded sight, They will not hear the coming of a storm. Yet those with displays I hope my eyes spy, A child's picture drawn with colored ink, Or ivied tendrils reaching for the sky, Or arrays of globes glowing til I blink. I seek out signs of worlds unempty and That nearby souls number aplenty grand, That alone I do not a sentry stand. (Prompt by me) "Apartments at Night" by Soulfire11

 I am so curious for this week. Florian is such a bad liar...I can't believe Stacey believed him Yeah maybe Stacey can get an annullment Florian it's more confusing if you two didn't hook up Sooo because you told her to delete the photo that makes you more innocent? Stacey...this was it happening again I don't know that Florian loves you, Stacey It is not going to be everything Does Starcey's mom and florian have the same birthday? Ah I guess we're giving up on social distancing Those are large wine glasses The friends look trashed in their interview So...Darcey putting herself in a situation to be hurt isn't a new thing Georgi's wife could want to divorce him Consider how much better of an impression that Georgi, a married guy, made than Florian Florian and Georgi are bros These interviews were conducted throughout the night because we're watching them get more drunk Darcey is going to bite her own tongue off trying to not talk about the new video Y...

 Guess who's back, back again? Jenni, his parents did like you at first but then you had sex with their like 25 year old son This is going to be rough The parents are in a tough spot (although they shouldn't have pressured/forced him into a marriage) It's crazy that they had to use their life savings  Sumit's mom looks young If I was Sumit's parents, I would frame it more like "don't you think it's weird that a woman of her age pursued you?" Yeah why can't, in theory, Sumit take care of them and Jenni? I feel so bad for Sumit's ex-wife? Oh god, I'm so sorry Sumit. If you need help please call 800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 CHICAGO! So I guess it's Christmas-ish time What do you want to bet that Brittany Instagrams about her divorce and that's how Yazan finds out? Yellow Tail Brittany, you do  know what Yazan's family is upset about Brittany, you are acting like Yazan doesn't want you to convert too Truffles! Kenny, ...

A different kind of parody this time. [Verse 1] That's best, it starts with a protest in Hong Kong, the corona, Australia's all aflame Start of an impeachment, listen to the truth twist Trump serves his own needs, he'll misserve all our needs A stock market crash, dip, dive, drop, down The lockdown makes us all frown with fear of no, one, no Knee choked with plea, representing many more And a police force that's worse and is protested Right of right and coming in a hurry With the proud boys breathing down your neck Day by day, reporters baffled, Trumped, sickened, mislead Look at that solar eclipse Uh oh, an earthquake, deadly landslide, many floods But NASA Mars rover, find some life. Trump serves his own needs, listen how your ears bleed Tell me when election night and tea party will say good night His vitriolic, diabolic, slam fight, bright white Feeling in a plight [Chorus] It's the end of the world as we know it (It's the) It's the end of the world as w...

 Some of these are going to be Chicago or Illinois specific, but some will be general (I promise)! Make a plan to vote . Check if you are registered to vote . Vote.gov can help you register to vote if you aren't already. If you're too young to vote, you can sign up for a reminder for when you can register . If you want to and still can, register for a mail-in ballot . InjusticeWatch's Cook County judicial elections guide . It will help you learn about the judges' backgrounds, recommendations, and concerns. Find a safe ballot box . There will be more coming to the city of Chicago on 10/14. If you are voting in person, find your polling place . If you are voting in person, learn what ID (if any) you need to bring . If you are voting in person, review your state's COVID guidelines . Know your rights on election day. The ACLU has a great guide . If someone is interfering with your right to vote (see examples from the ACLU ), report it to the Election Protection Hotline...

 I maintain that stream of consciousness is the only way to immediately write about these. I really want Harris to just eviscerate Pence Ooh we got to see the teleprompter for the moderator be unveiled Regulated enthusiasm, the best kind Ha Harris is stage left and Pence is stage right Again, why are there different kinds of flag pins? Ooh we're gonna get some cool reflection shots with the plexiglass Why are their lapel mics on different sides? Harris, these are great points, but you aren't saying what you'll do Wow Pence thinks it's a privilege to be on stage with Harris...I'd've thought mother wouldn't approve of him being alone with two women So if we did such a good job, Pence, why do we have such a high death rate? Yeah, Harris, don't let that jerk interrupt you Can I opt out of being in Pence's heart? "You respect the American people when you tell the truth" Wow I forgot how old Biden is Pence refuses to listen to the moderator, but ...

Can't stop, won't stop making these. O come, all ye costumed, classic and topical! O come ye, O come ye, to my party Come and behold them Born from arts and crafts O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them Costumes, homemade! Mask of masks, Cape of capes Lo, He abhors not the plastic-y smell Complete look Acquired, not created O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them Costumes, store-bought! Use, outfits of past, use with no care for time Use, all ye citizens with costume trunk! Comfy and easy All praise in the highest O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them Costumes, reused! Yea, you, we greet thee, dress'd this spooky evening Disguise, for thee be glory given Soul of the Hallow Now in flesh appearing O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them O come, let us adore them Costumes, all round! (Prompt by me) "Blockparty (72 of 454)" by Guide Live

This is one of my favorite Christmas songs. "Treat!" the costumed children beg "Or it'll be your house we egg! Peace on homes that give us sweets To all the rest toilet sheets" Joyful, all ye younglings rise who have gotten that they prize With an impish voice proclaim: "May your pumpkins stay aflame" "Treat!" the costumed children beg "Or it'll be your house we egg! Twix by many youth adored Chocolate that is shaped as gourd! Reese's cups behold them come Fistfuls of some Dum and Dums Veiled in wrapper Halloween Hail all confections you can see Pleased as be with time to go Candy, gives sug'ry glow "Treat!" the costumed children beg "Or it'll be your house we egg! Hail the king-sized bars of tell! At you we will raise no Hell! Trick or treat to all we bring Smile with face paint and with wing Glad we stay, our candy stash Else your pumpkins we may smash Soon to end toothsome roam Soon to tire and return ho...